Randomly picking this up again..

Since my last entry, I've..

.. gotten a 3.28 for my spring quarter GPA, just 0.02 shy of making Dean's List, but hey.. can't be perfect all the time (even though I am ). My classes went pretty well; my grades were nearly perfect up to midterm and then for some reason, something clicked and no matter how hard I worked, my grades sucked. Whatever, I can't complain. I pulled my cumulative GPA 0.21 points this year, and hopefully I can keep on trucking next year.

.. started work at GE in Louisville, and man, it's been interesting. I'm in the Information Management Leadership Program (IMLP) and it's not bad. There's a full time version where you go on 4 6 month rotations for 2 years, and our intern version is like a mini rotation for 12 weeks. It's busy as hell; I have the most ridiculous amount of meetings constantly. This is also an IT program, so no engineering, which is what I thought I wanted, but it turned out to be quite the contrary. I'm on the FHL (Financial, Human Resources and Legal) team and my job is straight documentation for the Finance team. There's no creativity whatsoever and it's leaving me itchy to do something engineering-related. I told my boss how I felt and she's hooking me up with something in the technology department, under this guy that I've met before - when we met, he told me when I got sick of Finance I could come help him engineer things. I kind of said 'Yeah, right,' but never say never, I guess. This internship is entertaining more for what's going on with GE right now. I work where the appliances are manufactured - your refrigerators, dishwashers, etc. Well, 2 weeks before my internship started, there's a news announcement that GE is selling off the Appliance division. Dealing with the whole merger/acquisition situation is getting kind of ridiculous - they're referring to whatever happens to Appliances, whether it be sold to another company, or spun off into a new one, as "New Company." Apparently our experience here is a little different because a lot more money was thrown around in past years but now everyone is counting pennies.. meh. Whatever, it's an interesting experience to go through.

.. decided that my birthday party is going to be in Indy the weekend of August 8th. My parents are driving out and taking a few of us out to dinner :) Hooray!

.. decided I'm moving back home after graduation. The Midwest has treated me well, but I'm ready to head back to the East Coast. This has made my mom super happy, obviously. I'm starting to look through some companies, and I always have Goldman to look to (hooray nepotism). One concern of course is what's going to happen to me and CJ when this happens, but we've talked about it and..

.. CJ is going to apply to places in NJ. Nothing's definite, and I'm not trying to put a ton of pressure, but I would like to see it happen. He said that I need to put together some companies for him to look at since he really has no idea. I'm hoping he's not giving me lip service just to shut me up - I'm very serious about this. Considering all of my friends are getting engaged and I'm not ready, his proposal of compromisation is just as good to me. It shows a step in the right direction and that we're being serious here.

.. oh yeah, Audrey and Tina are engaged. So I've got 2 weddings to look forward to being in. Aud got engaged mid-May, and Tina was last weekend. I've been sending them pretty things from theknot.com and talking about wedding stuff with them. I don't mind; I know that I'm definitely not ready to be engaged so I'm game to be part of the research and looking through websites and magazines and stuff - I'm just staying on the fun side.

.. I'm officially a senior? That should make a few of you out there feel old..

.. going to Terre Haute on Wednesday 'til Sunday for 4th of July.. I get paid holidays for Thursday and Friday, and apparently the office is dead the rest of the week so I'm peacing at noon on Wednesday. I'm amped - I get to hang out with Pumpkin and Andrew and I think Timmy'll be there, and Tina will too with Gilmore, and even Morgan is staying a night (so we think). Should be a good time

Anyways, I think that's a decent update for now.. Xanga is blocked at work (along with AIM and Facebook) so I can't post at work like I did last year. Come to think of it, considering my work habits this year, I have no idea how I'm surviving this year - those are the only 3 things I did. Fortunately, CNN.com and MSN.com are pretty entertaining too

Hooray 2.5 day work week!!

1. What did you do in 2007 that you'd never done before?
Had a kickass internship for a good company,  lost 30 pounds healthily, been genuinely proud of my academic accomplishments, been secure living somewhere other than New Jersey, felt on track with my life, felt completely and utterly lost with everything.

2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I don’t remember if I had any. I don’t think I did.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Well, Erica had her baby..

4. Did anyone close to you die?
Guh, this was an awful year.. first my Uncle Mike in March, and then Aunt Donna in October..

5. What countries did you visit?
Nowhere other than the US.

6. What would you like to have in 2008 that you lacked in 2007?
Good grades, a sense of self, security.

7. What dates from 2007 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
3/29, 10/10 – When my Uncle and Aunt died, respectively. My birthday was pretty kick ass, of course. And 10/8, mine and CJ’s first anniversary

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Finally liking my major! And doing well at my first real job

9. What was your biggest failure?
Not being as supportive or in the loop with my family as I could be because of distance.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Nope.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
I’d like to say all the tanning packages, but I’m pale as hell now so..  I really don’t know.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration (a public or private personality)?
My mother's, for keeping it together.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
I’m not sure. Probably my own.

14. Where did most of your money go?
Tanning, gas money,  and booze.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
My job. My 20th birthday, which was amazing.  Junior year of college.

16. What song will always remind you of 2007?
Any Dave – I listened to a lot of Dave this year.

17. Compared to this time last year, you are:
A LOT more grown up – I matured a ton this year.

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Been more assertive. Been more relaxed.

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Trying to make everyone like me and be more concerned with their happiness than my own. I need to start doing things for me.

20. How will you be spending Christmas?
At House Beautiful, as per usual.

22. Did you fall in love in 2007?
I know last year I said I was, but I’m not sure it was for real. I know it is now. After some awful times earlier this year, and the way things are going now.. it’s going to be hard to get rid of this kid.

24. What was your favorite TV program?
I can’t even tell you how many hours I watched America’s Next Top Model. I could probably recite verbatim all the episodes from Cycle 7.

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
I’ve changed my opinions of some people, but I wouldn’t say I’d hate them.

26. What was the best book you read?
I still don’t read.

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
I’m not sure – I just liked Dave and Incubus even more.

28. What did you want and get?
My boyfriend as a best friend. Awesomely supportive friends. Healthy.

29. What did you want and not get?
I don’t know. I don’t really.. want anything. I’m just excited when awesome things happen.

30. What was your favorite film of this year?
Borat (haha), Superbad, Eternal Sunshine of a Spotless Mind

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
The boy and I did domestic married things and then he took me out for a cheeseburger and made me a cake and then I went and played at TSAV

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
There would be a couple of things that could’ve been better.. probably not having half the fam die off on us, would be the big one.

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2007?
I got a lot simpler, a lot more basic (thanks, America’s Next Top Model), and half-assed hippie clothes (Free People).

34. What kept you sane?
I have no idea.. probably the boy, but even he drove me effing nuts a ton of the time.

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Eli Manning!

36. What political issue stirred you the most?
General election chatter..

37. Who did you miss?
My Aunt Donna, definitely. And Uncle Mike. Of course, home when I’m at school, and school when I’m at home.

38. Who was the best new person you met?
The Chi O newbies. All the awesome people at Thomson that put up with me.

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2005?
Calm down. Take everything a little slower to fully understand it and handle it. If you find yourself being mad and angry at stuff, just STOP and think about all the awesome things going on for you.

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
I’ve never ever had a favorite favorite quote before, but I think I’ve officially found something that speaks to me. It’s Fiona Apple’s second album title. She wrote the poem after a shitty review of her first album as a big ‘fuck you’ to everyone trying to bring her down.

WHEN THE PAWN Hits the Conflicts He Thinks like a King
What He Knows Throws the Blows When He Goes to the Fight
And He'll Win the Whole Thing 'Fore He Enters the Ring
There's No Body to Batter When Your Mind Is Your Might
So When You Go Solo, You Hold Your Own Hand
And Remember That Depth Is the Greatest of Height
s And If You Know Where You Stand, Then You Know Where to Land
And If You Fall It Won't Matter, Cuz You'll Know That You're Right

It's been awhile..

I just wanted to state that for the first time ever, I've been completely, utterly lost.

I'm sitting here in my living room trying to psyche myself up to get up from the couch, go in my room, and pass out so I can get some sleep before this hellacious week. However, I started thinking (bad idea always).

I started by thinking how much I wanted this quarter to be over. It's awful. Simply awful. I have absolutely no free time, I don't do anything fun, I'm always studying to working on something, and it's not even like I get downtime towards the end of the week - there's always something sneaking in, ready to fuck me over.

Anyways, I'm actually going to backtrack a tiny bit. I was contemplating how by the end of this week, I get to go back to Jersey for 2 weeks and probably do homework the entire time. THEN I started thinking how awesome it's going to be once the quarter was over.

.. Then, my common sense kicked in. Spring will just be more awful classes. More credits that I have to take and pass so I can graduate in 4 years (or my parents will seriously kick my ass.. I'm still not 100% sure what's so awful about perhaps NOT killing myself and graduating in 4 and a quarter, but I'm not the one laying down $40+ thou a year). And how much THAT quarter is going to suck just as much.

And THEN I started thinking, well, I guess I have the summer to think about.. and get excited for.. right?

.. Right?

It's all downhill from there. Okay, so I'm kind of an ungrateful bitch, I have a kick ass job offer for an amazing company that would be so awesome to end up working for for real real. Fine, sorry for being retarded. But as of right now, I'm having a serious adverse reaction to the future and really wish I was 15 in high school again when things like 'budget meetings' and 'business casual' were all a "figment" of my huge, already corporate-oriented imagination.

I just really don't want it to be the summer again. 'Cuz then, I'm alone by myself in a city I have no idea about. I'm not even sure who's going to be around - or where I'M going to be around, even though it looks like it's most likely Louisville. My boyfriend (if we're still dating, which at this time, it looks like we most likely will be) will probably be somewhere further than he was last summer - possibly Minnesota. I don't feel like being alone. And I really don't feel like dealing with Big Girl shit anymore.

Fast forward 3 months after the internship. Senior year. Kick ass, right? No. That equals the Big Time for Michelle. Me graduating from college and how I'm going to start my life has seriously been the topic of conversation since I touched a computer mouse at Age 3. The fact that it's materializing before me (and I'm going to have to start figuring where I'm going to work so I can start looking at grad schools for my MBA) is mindboggling.As well, the fact that I'm going to be 22 and entering the workforce is probably the scariest idea that I've ever considered. On top of that, while I don't know where I'm going to be as of 2 years from now, I also have other aspects of my life (my family, friends, and current boyfriend, who could very possibly still be in the picture, which is even scarier than all of this) to worry about and I'm seriously suffering from that Big-Universe-Little-Me syndrome right now.

I really don't give a shit how exciting getting a job and being a big kid looks/is. I'm a late bloomer and always have been. This may or may not be exciting for me at age 25. Probably later.

I'm just not looking forward to tomorrow, a week from now, a month from now, a year from now, years from now, etc. Any of it. And this should seriously be the most exciting time of my life (my dad said so on my 20th birthday). But all I want to do is drop out of school and not do this anymore. And that makes me really sad.

Sigh.