she leaned against a wall of the room, her mind a spinning carousel. by this time, the air was drenched with alcohol. she didn't realize how much she missed that alcoholic equilibrium. the feeling of having enough self control to preserve her dignity, yet acting completely unlike herself; tripping, laughing obnoxiously, and hugging random boys.

what a great excuse to get away from oneself, she thought. the time to be somebody else and no one will ever know the difference. she snickered to herself, half in delight and half in disgust at how she tricked people and how much she hated doing so. shrugging it aside, she walked over to the table and took another shot.

an hour later, she was left alone in the room, cleaning up the partially filled cups of beer sprinkled throughout the house. the alcohol buzz was fading away. another shot would do it. she stared at the bottle as if she could will it to walk over to her. it's hopeless. just like yourself. here she was, standing in an empty room with cups of warm beer in her hand, testing out this type of life, willing it to suit her. ©

***disclaimer***

it's the first thing i've written since september. so feedback would be greatly appreciated. and most of you know the inspiration for it, but just to let you know, this is a work of fiction.