wow i've been away from xanga for just about a month and they've up and changed everything on me! this is going to take some getting used to.

thanks to everyone for their well wishes!

so just this past week i went to the accepted students open house. i couldnt' help but be a little tripped out at the thought that i was meeting people who would probably be an intimate part of my life for the next ~5 years. they seem like a pretty cool bunch, but it's difficult to tell in that type of setting what people are truly like. hopefully no one's a psychopath... or perhaps i should say hopefully everyone's crazy like me :P

i slept waaaayyy too much today- i haven't done this in a while. getting up mid-afternoon is a luxury that i used to like but lately i don't feel like it's something i want or should do. sort of akin to driving a hummer- may be fun, but ridiculously costly and entirely not worth it. i still have to get dinner, buy groceries, and get myself to the gym. for breakfast i had 2 eggo's with butter + brown sugar, and a huge bowl of cereal. yesterday i had a whopper meal from BK, plus i've been drinking like a fish lately. not very healthy! crap, now that i think about it, the house is a mess, and i should really clean up a bit. boo. i swear, unless there are extenuating circumstances (heartbreak, mourning, hangover), no more sleeping in past 12.

sometimes i'll listen to the radio and song lyrics will make me stop and pause. these days this tends to happen whenever i hear broken hearted love songs dealing with regret and longing. i've broken off serious relationships in the past, and while it hurts to do so and sometimes i wonder if i did the right thing, deep down i know i made the right decision. when it comes right down to it, i'm not ready to love someone, not the way the right person should be loved. i have a lot of growing up to do, a lot of inconsistencies to fix. perhaps i've let too many voices fill my head with seemingly good ideas, thereby crowding out my own. it makes it difficult to decide whether what i want is what i really want, or what i think i want. rather cliche in a twenty-something angst sort of way, but it's true (or at least i think it's true, or is what i want to think is true.)

sometimes i feel empty and alone, and i miss having arms hold me, but more often then not i'm excited for the things that i will do, the experiences i'll have, and the people i'll meet. i've been blessed with the love i've received and have been able to reciprocate, and perhaps the best way to honor that love is to become a fuller, richer person to love.

it's easy to fall into a yuppie routine and become complacent. work, gym, drink, repeat.

so... i thought i would mix it up a bit!

1. guitar lessons!
2. surfing!! going to the OC in february, i bought my plane ticket and put in a deposit for lessons. i've started going to the gym to increase my upper body strength, improve on my swimming. they say that surfing is really 95% paddling yourself out to the waves and 5% actual surfing. if things go well, i may just start saving for some surf related investments and start a cool new hobby out on the east coast.

the thing about guitar and surfing is that they are two things that have been on the "want to do" list for years. wanting and doing shall no longer be on different lists!

I will no longer be a wanter!

Time to be a doer!