this summer has been different.
different than any other summer i've ever had.
i've lost
and i've gained.  alot.
i came home from school expecting...
i don't know.
my old friends to be my old friends.
but that wasn't the case.

i entered my home.
i definately didn't expect anything more than what i got.
my first week home everyone was mad at each other
and i didn't know what had happened.
going away and coming back home makes you see things different than before.
everything was so clear and i had seen it before but not the same.

this summer i've built two characteristics that i have never wanted to have.
i feel like most of the summer
not all the time
i've been

angry

and bitter.

at what?
it hasn't been until recently that i've discovered how i've been.
i've never had so much anger in me as i have this summer.
being in this house makes me different.
i can't be myself here.
sometimes i feel like i can't be myself around some of my friends.

angry at:
-double standards
-lying
-bitching
-people not getting along
-not having an opinion
-change
-distance
-loss

i can't fix any of this.
nor do i want to try.
all of this has just made me appreciate what i do have.

even though there has been hurt this summer
i also have joy.
there have been several special people who i have had the opportunity to be around this summer.
i've been with them alot.
i knew them before
but not like i do now.
im thankful to them for making the times when i've felt down
better.
being around them makes me remember what it feels like to NOT be

angry

and bitter.

the summer is almost over.
i have 3 weeks left.
some have less than me.
whatever happens when we go back to school
who knows?
we may still talk
we may not.
distance changes things.
people in particular.
i hope we do though.

to those who have made my summer enjoyable and rememberable.
thank you.

any bitterness or anger i have

IS OVER.

it should have been over a long time ago.
sorry for the way i've been.
i don't even know if anyone has noticed.
i hope not.
my time is too short to worry about

ignorance.

sometimes i feel trapped
and sometimes
confused on who i am
or...
who i'm "supposed" to be.

right now.
i am Justin Reid.
i like to laugh.
not be angry.
i like to have fun.
not worry.
i am kind hearted
not cold hearted.
i drink.
i cuss.
i am confused on organized religion.
i love.
i entertain.
i have faith in people.
sometimes too much.
i am not who you want me to be.
i am who i want to be.
i am care free.
i believe in God.
i am grateful.

ok.
so i've been home a month now.
i've seen a few people...
I still have a few more to see.

thus far, i've decided that i dont like statesville.
i walked up to two people i graduated with the other day to say "hello" and they acted like asses to me.
so thats what i called them.
asses.
bc they are.
they definately weren't too good to talk to me.
they're just asses.

so i now have decided...
i will no longer go out of my way to be pleasant to people i dont want to talk to.
i dont have to.
its not my duty.
i've been nice and civil for way too long and i've been treated like dirt along the way.

so fuck that.

the rest of my summer is going well.
and this isnt going to ruin my summer.
i'll just not be nice anymore.

im hoooooommmmmmmmeeeeeeeeee.

school is over!
WOOP WOOP.
let the CRUNK begin...not that it's been held back...
a job seems to be a necessity this summer.
i dont want one...but money is a major factor for my life.
i hope to see you all soon!

yayayayayayyayayaayyaayyayayaya

find true love.
not the fake kind.
this lovely lady will assist you in your search for: REAL, TRUE LOVE.
where the arrow is pointing is where the "true love" is.
i kid you not.
nor does she.