ok. well i just watched pocahontas. i don't know i've been in a disney mood i guess. but some things that kept running through my mind the entire movie were things that i had never really thought about. i always get really annoyed with the english men for coming in and taking over. the fact that they think they're so much better and civilized and that they are the only ones able to teach things when really the native americans have so much to show them but then that made me think of something else..when i go to a tribe and i come into their life will it be like that. will they think i'm just this stuck up white person who thinks they're better then them and who wants to "improve" their lives? and while yes there may be things that i can help them with like maybe clean water and such but i was just thinking is that how they will picture or really see me as? its a crazy thought to me because i've never thought about it before. i mean i've always thought about how am i going to get into the country and when i get there how will i gain their trust and how will i understand their customs. but then nursing was a way i could gain their trust and just being there for them but i...i don't know i guess i never took the thought farther than that...and even though its a disney movie it ends in with happiness but it took death and fighting to get there...and its weird to understand all of this, well as much as i can and still. still knowing it all wanting with all of my heart to do that...go and be with i think a tribe maybe not a tribe i'm not sure i'm willing to go where ever but... its insane..i don't know..i know i've said this a million times but it just feels like i'm starting to understand it all and grasp it. that this is life ya know. i'm here to praise God and glorify His name everyday and therefore i'm not scared away by death or fighting...i mean i know i'm sitting in the "backseat" right now but i just i don't know i have a feeling that i won't have to worry about backing out