yesterday night we watched rob bell's "today" nooma. it spoke on how we so often live for the past or for those of us who are in high school its more so the future rather then today. but the funny thing about that is we aren't garanteed tomorrow. we don't know if we'll get to tomorrow or we get stuck in the past, the good old days, when everything was perfect (or so we thought, nothing could get better). the group mentioned first impressions and ponders, then the wave crashed into me. aaron asked us if we could relate to what rob was talking about living in the past but aaron continued to say "i think so often you guys become paralyzed then can't move away from it..." i wasn't prepared. i drowned in water. In those moments i couldn't speak but my mind flew. the reel moved quickly and jumped between several memories...but then flipped forward to the previous day and past year and finally i could smile. i am no longer curled drowning myself with salt. i recognize the prayer that has been answered and i am okay with everything. in fact i'm really happy. those times are ones i will miss but now they no longer haunt they are just loving memories. its today i live for God. i can no longer be paralyzed by past or future. i also realized that i dwell to much on what's going to happen. i'm so excited. i get to go to tijuana but that is in six months and while yes i'm going to be excited i can't let it hinder me from living for Him today here where i am now. it's a simple concept but some how i have been allowing myself to stay under water. it had been a while since i have dwelt under water with the past but it was just something that i finally recognized and am breathing fresh air....no longer trying to live to the fullest but now trying to live to God's fullest for my/world's fullest isn't the life i want....these are my obscure random thoughts.
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