My bedroom is worst than the Catholic Church, I let anyone in...Don't you love it when you discover new music you can't stop playing? As in you can't skip a track because this track you're listening to is just
so good. You crave it. The songs become madly trapped in your head-- or just these two lines, and they're so danceable. You catch your feet moving to the beat of the chorus to the of the third track, and you hum the last lonely ballad while making copies. The lyrics are inspirational poetry, the guitar chords-- predicatble, but then BAM! something you just didn't expect. Oh hot damn. I love this feeling. The Dudes, man. The Dudes.
I haven't felt this good about one album in a long, long while. And although I admit it has some downfalls-- sometimes I don't feel it congeals as one, but... it's all so... so... damn catchy. Fun. Riveting. I know the lyrics, and that's saying something.
...an asterik by her name on the top of the sex list...I watched the State of the Union last night, as I do every year. It always fascinates me, the polite practices of politicians-- the Congressional Calisthenics. Nancy Pelosi's face is easier, and more interesting, to read than any other recent Speaker of the House. I watch people. Unfortunately for Bush, his rhetoric is worn out and only promotes my frustrated screaming at the tv, so I spent the Iraq half of the speech trying to see how many global capitals I could name. 32 so far. I think I can do better. I'm going to keep going until I get bored or I'm convinced I can't think of any more.
Funny, though-- my teaching team, who seems to not be that interested in politics/ government, did enter a heated discussion about something said in the State of the Union address last night, and I appreciate those moments. We all agree vouchers are the worst educational idea the Bush administration has approached yet. It is certainly NOT going to solve the issues we are having within our schools-- there are a LOT of parents who would abuse a voucher. A lot of good teachers would lose jobs. There would be terrible imbalances in schools. Instead of putting schools on a level-- yet higher reaching-- playing field, school buildings would go into complete chaos. Not to mention the disastrous paper trail to follow a voucher system. The last thing we need is more bureaucratic paper work and less time consistently teaching students. Kids would move all over tons of school districts all year! They would have so little consistency, and we know kids need this. Let's focus on eliminating some of the poor social issues we deal with in schools instead, and reducing objectives to promote mastery. Fucking government idiots. It's time politics didn't have so much to do with money and more to do with promoting progress.
Hooray. Junior Bush acknowledged global warming. I wonder if Junior and Senior fight about it sometimes...? Anywho-- great step forward. Americans reducing their dependence on gasoline by 20% in 10 years will be completely impossible unless there is a market for it. Capitalism. So create a market! If you must buy, buy what supports a sustainable environment! Fortunately, this often means not buying from big business.
Down with McDonald's! Down with Wal*Mart!
I'm so into you right now, but I could fall right out of love just like that.Love
is dangerous. I'm feelin' this song pretty bad right now. Love is dangerous to much more than your heart-- oh, my poor, bruised ego. It's just so easily damaged, and oh- the foolish boy to put the straw on the camel's back is gonna get it. Soon enough. I just want everyone. I want no one. I love myself. But I want a partner so badly. It'd be nice to split the bills. It'd be nice just to have a boy to call up when I need it, so, so badly. A man secure in his masculiinity would be a change of pace. A man at peace with his personality.
A man who likes some god-damned dirty sex.
I accidentally elbowed your face on the dance floor, I'm sorry.I'm carrying the burden of being too damned good at what I do. This is not something I'd like to admit-- or really even talk about-- but I feel, perhaps mistakenly, anonymous and therefore secure here. So I will. I received a very nice e-mail the other day from one of the curriculum specialists at Central about how I am such a wonderful teacher and I am "such a gem." Lots and lots of, I think, undeserved praise. There is no way to really assess if I am a good teacher or not for some years. I have to see if my students learned anything first, and I might not ever see this. But this woman raved about me-- to my principal, the department head, the English curriculum coordinator! For some reason, I just don't trust people who sing praises like that. Perhaps I have an aura around me right now, though, I've been pointed out doing random things... well. And often. It's part of my nature to be a bit of a public perfectionist, but not truly a practicing perfectionist in private. Perhaps in some way I am being acknowledged as some sort of rising master teacher, which would be wonderful, but I expect criticism. It's what I want. Please, please be critical of me.
What's said is said and already sinking in. Reading
Time again this week brought a jolt in my spiritual perspective. It seems only their writers have had this kind of power over me in the last year. I am slowly reading the feature article on the brain. I was jarred by the accounts of the brain death, as I always am. Something within my stomach turns and twists at my own ponderings. And I wonder, if maybe this really is all there is. No heaven, I have concluded this. No hell, it does not frighten me. But no nirvana? No re-birth? I haven't discounted these, but I feel closer at times. Maybe "ashes to ashes, dust to dust" can be taken more literally than I would have originally imagined. I mean, really, you have to just wonder. It's so very possible.
Now tell me, do you love me? I love you.
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