Life Stories: Tale 2

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

Life Stories: Tale 2
Currently Listening
Gershwin: Rhapsody in Blue/Cuban Overture/Porgy and Bess Suite/An American in Paris
see related
Here is yet another true story - it is an older story from my archives, but it did actually happen. It is unfabricated and another example of how funny life can be.
So there I was, practicing my clarinet around 1030pm at school on the only floor of the practice building with windows. The room I was in had about 40 feet of windows. I had an audition coming up, so I was just going through all of the rep on the list: mostly short orchestral excerpts. It got to be about 1150pm and all of the the sudden, three faces appeared in one of the windows.
There was a girl and two guys. I looked over and they said, with a twang of drunken splendor, "Keep playing, serenade us, can you come open the window?" So, I humored them and went over to the window only to find that I could not open it, so I tell them sorry, but they insist that I keep playing. I say to myself, what the hell, these guys are wasted and probably don't know much about classical music anyway, so I play a few excerpts and they clap and ask me to play something else, "from the heart" making a special request for music from Mr. Holland's Opus - which I don't know at all. At this point, I decide to play them the opening to Rhapsody in Blue by George Gershwin - for those that don't know it, find it online or rent Fantasia 2000....it's pretty hip.
This particular excerpt includes a schmoltzy glissando that any clarinetist tries to milk for all the sexiness that they can. I began playing and as I hit this glissando I see out of the corner of my eye that the girl begins stripping off her shirt and was waving it around above her head a la exotic dancer. Yes, she ACTUALLY did this, I could barely contain the laughter, but I finished the excerpt, blushingly looked over and she said, "I'm sorry, it sounded so sexy that I just couldn't help myself!" While laughing so hard that I am nearly peeing my pants, they ask me to play it again, so I do. The girl continues waving her shirt above her head and then prompts the guy to do a sultry strip dance too.
Upon finishing the second performance, the second guy says, "You are so sexy, will you marry me?" then the other two say, "You're a rock star, you're going to be famous! You rule!" I tell them to go to the bars and drink more and the girl introduces herself and says, "Seriously, that is the best music I have heard in 12 years." Then they leave.
I am still laughing my ass off when I inevitably get kicked out of the building by the janitor because the building closes at midnight. But apparantly, the janitor witnessed the whole thing and was also laughing his ass off. He told me how drunk they were and that they were listening to me play for about 30 minutes and dancing around under the window before they even showed their faces.
So here is yet another tale of the humors of everyday life. It is also the story to how I officially unlocked the secret to getting girls to take off their shirts: alcohol + schmoltzy clarinet solo = half naked women.