I am sitting here, wondering why I cant seem to rest. I think I might have too much engery tonight, but I will be freaking paying for it tommorrow morning if im not careful.

But thats besides the point. Im here writting a blog to hopefully get things off my mind.

Why do I think of love all the time? im not that hopeless but I really do love the comfort. I dont think anyone in my life right now could really be that good for me. Phsyical is only an add to a relationship. I personally think they should be good for you, or should be able to make you smile, conversate with you well, add to the postive engery of your life. Not bring your down.

Even so I'm getting my life in order bills wise and medically. im very worried about the cysts I have in my breast and whatever else there could be. I hope my MRI gets approved. So I can find out everything and then try to fix everything from there.

My family area and my room are doing okay, which is a improvement I hope once alot of things are taken care of I will be able to afford to move out.

Im really hating the way some people like to try to bring you down. i think my old friend heavenly [ rave name] is earning a place out of my life.

Heather appearently still likes me, we hang out as friends alot, argue sometimes too much, but she has the arguement most of the time. i usually refuse to give her satisfaction by arguing back. I tend to get quiet after I might disagree.

I hope I can find a sense of direction in the working field and follwo threw will  what im planning till the end with my medical degree's Im working for. Maybe after I try it and find out I dont like it I can change things. Work is work and you have to work to get far.... just keep going. please...

Sometimes I just want to hold hands. But most the time I just want to be understood.

I want to sit at the beach again at night.

Surfing sunday will be very nice . I hope I improve at this more and more.

I should get my camera fixed.

I should get rid of more stuff. I thin I should stay offline more.

I want a new mp3 player, I need one that is 30g + cause my 30 gig is almost full. and I broke the screen. :(

well i will try to sleep now. I shouldnt worry about love til it comes to me. In the mean time. Register for school, read, surf, pay billls and do what I need to. Stop avoiding things.

Just take care it. like nike say's. Just do it.

tell myself not to want

only have fun

keep being the best person I can be; for me, no one else.

Expect more of myself, and give myself credit

rest when Im tired

be selfish little bit

its ok to say no

its ok not to want to see someone

its ok to be lonely, thats what teddy bears are for

and water is my best friend.

go surfing alone more often

keep smiling, even at strangers

give one person a compliment a day at least.

love myself, not in vain, but healthy.

Your not going to destroy everything I am.

Love isnt going to bring me down.

I just want to be around, for awhile while longer.

Why wont you hold my hand, its not like it means anything to you.

To stay around, your just worried you might hurt me.

Im fine I get hurt, I heal and I move on, just like you move on without any risk.

fuck you all your not going to destroy me, because you dont even know who I am