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| frustrated.i feel bad as it is with my own decision.. i decided not to tell you for a reason and thats because i knew you would be hurt by my unwise choice!! so yes i made a mistake and i dont blame you if you hold it over my head from today and forever .. but if you are then ignore me dont talk to me simply hate me, but instead you keep talking to me you keep making me feel worse and worse about everything that has happened and everything that might happen from today and forever.. and yes i can't change that and i can't change my past either .. so if you're not willing to accept me as your friend then what else is there left for me to say? there just isn't anymore words left to say to you .. maybe i'm not the girl you thought i was? maybe i still am but who knows you just turned your back on me in the quickest second you got .. and it doesnt surprise me not at all .. its all the same.. things never change .. people do .. you just changed a lot faster then anyone else that i know .. well maybe thats not true you just changed pretty quick it was like an instant but not quite.. i dont know .. love me hate me.. i'm me and sorry for being who i am .. sometimes i get put on this certain road or street and i dont set out to be on but when i'm there i wanna find something beautiful about it and i suppose that was the one thing that made it beautiful.. keep in mind you didn't do much to prevent all of this . no i'm not blaming you for my work doing but you aren't exactly a fucking angel as you would picture yourself .. so hate me .. you'll feel better about the whole situation .. i know you will and turn your back and dont look back .. cause i'm going to be the person whos going to make you regret for ever talking to her !! .
fuck .. so much has been on my mind and all this shit just doesn't fucking help anymore .. i get tired too .. i lose myself sometimes too .. i can't always keep it cool and hold it all back and its all a secret because its meant to kept to oneself .. but you wanted to fucking know so i told you and now you're acting like you're the only one hurt so what can i do? NOTHiNG !!
you look like the shit under my shoes ..
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| BLAH BLAH BLAH. RANDOM STUFFhmm. people are annoying. :/ i secretly wish they would all die .. well it's not a secret anymore but i do wish hell for everyone i hate .. well no i don't but i feel like i do !! ugh i'm not making sense. so lately i've been spending way too much time on this stupid site that ive come to realize how annoying and superficial people are.. its a little make believe world they all like to live in to make themselves happy .. its cute but sad? i don't know .. i see some are truly happy with and without stick and then i see some who NEED stick to survive its sorta sad to say but they need to get a life .. and like the little girls on there who claim they hate the attention well surely enough they don't hate it they want more of it .. letting others degrade them in various ways .. * sighs * its all my opinion .. hm. so anyways .. today my father and i got lost looking for this address so sad spent 3 hours in a car looking for a school that wasn't even close to where we were at .. such a waste of time and gas .. well it was nice spending time with my father i suppose but then he just kept nagging about my SAT scores and junk that i already hear enough from teachers and shit .. gah. i know he cares [: i love him .. <3 ohh today was like the first time in weeks that my mom hasn't yelled it was like AMAZING !! :D so happy .. i wonder is it possible to look at someone and feel lonely because you think they feel lonely well of course its possible but i mean why do i feel that? i was looking at a few people today and they just looked so lonely and sad .. makes me feel sad .. * sighs * .. ohh yeahh .. i almost forgot .. so i wrote this in my journal but i wanna write it here too .. i made a new friend his name is queer and hes pretty .. really i mean it hes pretty .. but i can't tell him that cause hes gay !! .. he'll only laugh ../: ohh yeahh some girl i dislike with a slight passion is trying to gett all up on his sack and i dont care but then i do i mean i dont like the queer but just this girl isn't the one i would recommend him dating ? lol i dont know . i dont know what else to write ohh yeah jon has a sore throat from deep throating that fucking huge black dick the other night .. he told me not to tell anyone but yeahh i had to let it out to someone or something .. in this case my xanga :D blah blah blah .. so now i'm just sitting around and writing about random ass shit .. i miss cj so sad i dont have my phone so i can't talk to him i miss him :( i hope hes okay and i hope hes safe .. <333 SIX FLAGS WHEN HE GETS BACK TO CALi WOOHOO !! can't wait :D blah blah blah .. fuck i'm going to go call chris .. ohh ohh and i found out that my queer doesnt smoke .. woot woot .. lol :D uh. i'm going to go call chris now !! STATE TESTING FUCK ME !! ahhhh. oh well .. i can sleep during class :D
---- POLLY.
love is never lost ..
its only taken for granted .
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| UGH. PROM. FUCK ME !! L0Lso prom is coming up in two weeks.. TWO WEEKS !! :/ i'm still unsure if i wanna go well i do but then i think more about it and i dont, but i know if i dont go this year i surely won't go next year ugh. i hate thinking about this!! everyone i know has a date to prom and i do have someone in mind but then i know if i ask him then he'll give me the "WTFK" response and ah. i dont wanna deal with that i suppose you can say. :/ anyway. prom is in TWO WEEKS if i haven't said that enough, but i dont even know anymore shoot me so i dont have to think about this. lol. jk no shooting up in here!! [; . ohh i finally realized what kinda tattoo i'm going to get. [; i'm going to get my grandmothers chinese name and her death date [; it wont say in memory or anything like that cause thats too gangster for me but i wanna get her name and her date cause its a part of me she was a part of me so it'll mean a lot and i was asked if i was going to regret it and i dont think i will, actually i know i wont :D i love her so much sometimes i miss her being around.. there isn't anyone to talk to anymore and theres no one to really run to with open arms.. everyone is so caught up with their own drama and i surely dont wanna burden them with mine so i put on a smile and get thru my day not saying that my life is horrible or anything cause it really isn't bad its actually been hella good even with all the little shit that happens every now and then :D .. well i jsut wanted to come and rant about nothing. [:
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| MUSIC IS MY THERAPYVarsity - All Of Me <3
(Verse 1)
I heard a sad song playing on the radio
About a girl who loves so much
She never really let it show
Outside the rain keeps falling down my window
I'm crying inside
Gotta see you tonight
I understand that somebody had broke your heart before
But it wasn't me who left the pieces lying on the floor
But it's me who's out here in the rain
I can't let ya go
Payin the price, for all of his lies
I'd write you a song
But I can't find the words to say
To tell you what's on my mind
but even a symphony can't say what you mean to me
So how can I, how can I give you
(Chorus)
All of me
When all I get is half of you
Now tell me what am I supposed to do
If all I get is half of you
If all you give is half of you
(Verse 2)
Wanna be the reason that you'd never look for love again
Baby girl I wanna be your lover, your best friend
How we gonna make it if you're never gonna let me in
What can I do
To prove that my love is true
I keep holding on
For as long as it's gonna take
Until you realize
Look in my eyes
And never let you be betrayed
I'm not that guy
But how can I give you
(Chorus)
All of me
When all I get is half of you
Now tell me what am I supposed to do
If all I get is half of you
If all you give is half of you
(Bridge)
Now girl you got me locked up too many times
Got me paying for somebody else's crime
But how can love burn, if it's not returned?
I need more than this so
How can I give
(Chorus)
All of me
When all I get is half of you
Now tell me what am I supposed to do
If all I get is half of you
How can I give you
(Chorus)
All of me ; half of you
When all I get is half of you
Now tell me what am I supposed to do
If all I get is half of you
If all you give is half of you
SONGS THAT IVE BEEN LISTENING TO.
- Varsity - All Of Me.<3
- Varsity - Let Her Go.<3
- Shayne Ward - No You Hang Up.
- Taylor Swift - I'd Lie.<3
- Taylor Swift - Tears On My Guitar.<3
- Jonathan Rice - So Sweet.
- The Junior Varsity - If It Hurts You.<3
- Backstreet Boys - Lay Down Beside Me.
- Backstreet Boys - Close My Eyes.
- Backstreet Boys - Helpless When She Smiles.<33
- Backstreet Boys - It's True. <33
- Gabe Bondoc - Gentlemen Don't.
- Amanda Kay - More Than Words Can Say.
- Bridgette Angelique - Supermodel.<3
- Claude Kelly - Did It For Love.<3
- Kelly Rowland - Unity.<33
- Kasey - Lonely Days.<3
- Junior - Love Show .<3
- Kasey - Before You Walk Out Of My Life.
- Mario - Music For Love.<33
- Qwote - Down On You.
- Mauli B - I'll Follow You.
- Paulo - Still Missing You. <33
- KeKe Palmer - How Will I Know.<33
- Casely - Heart In The Shade.
- Divinci - Reason I Breathe. <333 ( i'm in love with this song )
- Geela - When You Came Along.<333
- E ft. Cherry - On Everything.
- Kazual - Love Me or Hate Me.
- QT - Believe In Me. <3
- Rihanna - Take A Bow. <33
- Bob Newt - He Turned It Around
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| you made me fall so you can see me hurt.wow. it amazes me how insensitive you can be towards my feelings!! i keep trying to find something to smile about because you said it hurts you when you don't see me happy but do you know it kills me to see you hurt?! i finally see you smiling but when i ask you why you smile you claim it to be a front.. what other lies are you willing to tell me?! i've come to realize that you have given EVERYONE around you a chance but ME.. you say you "love" me but now i find that to be nothing but a meaningless lie..you are constantly going around telling girls you "love" them so it makes me no better then them.. you said you didn't want to hurt me but you don't even care to stop and think about my feelings before you ask me the question you did & yes i am very envious of her because she has your heart !! thats something you NEVER even given me the chance to even touch.. you told me not to fall but you went around and said all these things that just made me feel like maybe.. maybe something in this world is worth living for and then you made me care!! its sad to admit that i can't let you go but its all okay because i once told my friend that our friend who is a soldier in iraq is protecting us from any harm i am going to do the same and protect my heart from harm i'm going to be a soldier for my heart because i'm tried of letting people like you continuously hurt me!! its such ashame because i actually care about you. you keep hurting yourself and you keep making me cry you can't see all these tears that i shed because i rather let these tears be silent but i am only willing to keep my tears silent in an exchange for your happiness!! you can make that trade with me? can you try being happy? can you try finding yourself? can you stop hurting so i can let you go? you've opened my eyes to so much more then you yourself has come to realize but once you do you'll know why i fell for you why you're so amazing !! dont doubt your ability to make someone happy because i know you can .. i hope nothing but happiness for you i hope you find the one you can love that will love you, i hope you find the one who can protect you and shelter you, but if you dont find her come back to me ill protect you ill shelter you and ill love you. <333
my heart keeps wanting you to stay
but i know it now we ain't going to work it out
now all i wanna do is get over getting over you
broken into so many pieces. </3
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