Friday, May 09, 2008
-
Define who you are
Currently Listening
Stories of a Stranger
By O.A.R.
see relatedDEFINE WHO YOU ARE
Here are your parameters:
This DOES NOT mean what you do for a living, or who you are in your family. I don't want you to write about being a Father or Mother or Daughter or Son. In fact, leave your family and your job out of this entirely. I want you to tell us what makes YOU tick. How do you see yourself? Are you talented? Frustrated? Happy? When you think about this definition, think about YOURSELF. What makes you who you are? What dreams do you think about? What does it take to let you feel that you are worthy or good or respected? Who are you?
Man I don't know where to begin. Its really going to make me look at myself. Who am I? I'm Brian and I'm 20 years old and I'm in some way your typical college kinda guy. Yet again I don't think I'm that average. When I wake up in the morning, I have two choices that come to my head... go back to sleep or get up early to work out. And I mean really early. More times than not I take the later of the choices, the one that makes me feel better about myself for overcoming the toughest choice of the day. I wake up and I think about how I want to change for the better. How much I want that body that all the girls want, I want that degree and major that I can be proud of, not the major thats easy. I try to make people happy, put them before myself, my minimum is to at least make one person smile. It's a start that I can be proud of. It was also part of my new years resolution. One of many...The bad--- I guess the first glaring huge problem is that I do smoke marijuana which lately has been much more frequently. When I look at me my senior year in high school I dated a girl so I pretty much stopped drinking all together, I stopped any nonsense that would get me in trouble with the law, and I put everything into making a good impression. But now that I don't date anyone and school is out I'm just not the same kid...Smoking started out as a once in a long long time kind of thing but know its almost every night. Its gotten to the point that I cant sleep if I don't do it. If I don't do that then I need to take tons of pain pills to just make my body numb so I won't think. Thinking is what makes me sad which has led to my problem. I think about 3 major things, my family which doesn't listen to me and has had a major event to overcome in the past which I always think about, I think about school and how I want to do better, and finally, I sadly think about past relationships and what I could of done better or I think about how happy it once made me. The last thing has changed my life. Its really changed me. Its made me much quieter about things and its made me want to get away from this town. I love the people in my life, yet some of them have changed my life that I know I might just breakdown one day. I wished it was easier. Smoking helps me forget people, since I can't forgive myself or anyone else. Nothing else in my opinion is worthy of my bad traits compared to the problem I just listed, but I know that others do exist...
I'm not talented but I have a great work ethic. Better yet I have great character, atleast thats what everyone tells me. If I were to pick a hockey/sports player, I'd want them to be like me. Get there early, work hard, and make plenty of sacrifices. Yeah I might not be the most talented out there, but I can give the best all around effort.
Frustrated? I think the major think that frustrates me is when people talk about college and their grades, which KILL mine but my major is so much harder and more work. It sucks hearing it all the time. I get frustrated when I put in large amount of effort and get little out of it, but doesn't everybody?
Happy? I'm not sure if I'm happy, but I've found a happy medium which for a long time was missing. Actually more than that was missing from me, but thats for a totally different blog. Happiness comes from hanging out with my friends, working hard for things, and making others happy. I'm not sure if what I have right now is happiness... I've known depression which I try to compare/relate with unhappiness. Am I depressed or am I just not finding things that make me happy? I don't know but the comparison works for me, maybe not you. But I know that when I wake up now I won't be sad and unhappy because I know I have something to look forward to later on in the day with my friends. I was always down after a relationship breakup, something that I will always remember, but now I'm looking forward to what life has in store for me. =)
What makes me me? I don't know I've really changed a lot, both for the good and the bad.
The good---First off I've learned from my past and I don't ever want to "take a step back". I want to always do better and take a step forward in the right direction. Sometimes I take the wrong directions tho. I've tried to eat healthier and work out now, I've learned about trust and friendship. I've got a glipse of love or what I think I know about it. I learning what I want in someone, and I know that people do make mistakes and people do change right infront of your eyes, just look at me! I have high hopes for my dreams and I want to do so many things in life. Oh yeah, I really love quotes. I think that really describes me lol...
What makes me feel respected or worthy? Worthy isn't a word I'd use for myself. Worthy I feel should be used for like picking a king or something lol. But respected...I like when people say thank you and when people make me feel like I helped them. I feel respected when people say good things about me to my parents or when I hear good things about me from others. I think everything that I do good on makes me feel happy and good inside obviously.
My dreams and who I want to be- I just want to live my life with nothing to regret. I want to go through my town one day and not have anyone that makes me cringe. I want to be free from the baggage that I forcefully put on myself. I want to be able to drive around town and when I see somebody, I don't want to have a bad feeling inside myself. But right now I'm not there...I'm going to college in Maine in the fall so I want to find peace there and work things out and hopefully find the person I want to be. I know its one step at a time but a journey begins with a single step.
I am Brian. I'm from a high school where maybe 15 kids actually know something about me. I was the star of the hockey team and one of the top in the area, but I'll never brag about my gifts. I'd rather do something for you rather than myself. I'm very quiet and I have a lot on the inside that people don't know about. I read tough books and I've read almost all the bible. I wouldn't be alive if it wasn't on my bedside last year. Defining myself now puts on more pressure to work harder in my life, forgiving people, and tring to gradually limit my bad trait that I've picked up over the past months.
Brian
-
recommend
- recs 0
- give stars
- votes 3
-
email
- sent 0
Post a Comment
- Back to liquidlizardz7's Xanga Site!
- Note: your comment will appear in liquidlizardz7's local time zone: GMT -05:00 (Eastern Standard - US, Canada)
Comments (5)
MiLord,
This was totally refreshing to hear from a young college student. I'm impressed with your writing and with your image of yourself. Very insightful! I will link you as a "guest" and would encourage you to join the blog ring if you feel that you would like to be involved in other challenges. I would appreicate you putting up a link to the Kween_of_the_Queeens site too. Thank you for participating!~Kween
I think your "problem" is that you let others define you. You say you're smoking lots of marijuana now and are a completely different person since you broke up two months ago and that you work out so you'll have the body the girls want. It sounds to me like regardless of others not knowing you, maybe you don't know you. While I admire your desire to improve yourself, who are you improving yourself for? Yourself or others? I think you could use this essay and expand on it to discover those things you like about yourself and use that to raise your self esteem to the point where you don't worry about what other people think of you. Just be proud of yourself and your accomplishments. They're yours. No one can take them away from you.
Definitely stop using the marijuana. Go to a doctor and talk to them about your sleep issues. Go to a counselor if your school offers them. But this self-medicating is only making things worse, not better. Drugs of any kind are just a crutch. If you always use them, you'll never learn to deal with reality.
Great definition! I had trouble with this challenge, since I seemed unable to define myself without using the roles and relationships in my life for definition. But the wonderful realization hit me that we are constantly defining and redefining ourselves as people and circumstances in our lives change. Who I am today will be totally different than who I'll be n 5 years. By then, my girls will be grown and gone and I probably won't be working at the same job. (But who knows, lol... I've been there 7 yrs already!)
Thanks for joining the challenge!
I definitely had a hard time with this challenge but I think you were able to give a good picture of yourself. This was great! As far as relationships go, don't let the past ones define you. They ended. They're gone. Take lessons away from those experiences but don't let them overtake you. It's hard; I know this from experience but live for today and not what happened yesterday.
Wow. I am impressed with your writing. You gave a pretty good definition of yourself. Living a life with no regrets is a very admirable goal, one that I hope you will acheive. Keep getting up early to work out, studying and doing what is right. Ditch everything that isn't helping you live a life without regrets. It sounds like you already know what those things are. Good luck.