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livingoffyou
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Name: livingoffyou
Country: United States
State: Michigan
Metro: Ann Arbor
Interests: God, church, family, reading good books (and sometimes just okay ones), listening to good music, doing homework, practicing, hanging out, calling my family
Occupation: Student
Message: message me
AIM:  carols620
Member Since:
6/9/2005
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| Psalm 139O LORD, you have examined my heart
and know everything about me.
You know when I sit down or stand up.
You know my thoughts even when I'm far away.
You see me when I travel
and when I rest at home.
You know everything I do.
You know what I am going to say
even before I say it, LORD.
You go before me and follow me.
You place your hand of blessing on my head.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too great for me to understand!
I can never escape from your Spirit!
I can never get away from your presence!
If I go up to heaven, you are there;
if I go down to the grave, you are there.
If I ride the wings of the morning,
if I dwell by the farthest oceans,
even there your hand will guide me,
and your strength will support me.
I could ask the darkness to hide me
and the light around me to become night--
but even in the darkness I cannot hide from you.
To you the night shines as bright as day.
Darkness and light are the same to you.
You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body
and knit me together in my mother's womb.
Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex!
Your workmanship is marvelous--how well I know it.
You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion,
as I was woven together in the dark of the womb.
You saw me before I was born.
Every day of my life was recorded in your book.
Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed.
How precious are your thoughts about me, O God.
They cannot be numbered!
I can't even count them;
they outnumber the grains of sand!
And when I wake up,
you are still with me!
O God, if only you would destroy the wicked!
Get out of my life, you murderers!
They blaspheme you;
your enemies misuse your name.
O LORD, shouldn't I hate those who hate you?
Shouldn't I despise those who oppose you?
Yes, I hate them with total hatred,
for your enemies are my enemies.
Search me, O God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.
Point out anything in me that offends you,
and lead me along the path of everlasting life.
Psalm 139, New Living Translation | | |
| It's been a long time....Just thought I'd say "hi" to the Xanga world.
School is going well. I feel like I'm just constantly running, though. Wednesday I woke up and went to class in the very early morning, I practiced for a couple hours, then went to another class, then band for two hours, I got to eat at 3, then another rehearsal and a voice lesson. I ran up to my room and did some stuff before I had to take an exam, then after the exam ran back to my room (I live on the 5th floor and take the stairs) thinking I had a couple of minutes, but then got a call from people I was meeting for dinner, so I had to run back down the stairs. I was exhausted and went to bed a little before 11.
That's basically how every day feels, which is okay if I can get enough sleep and eat, but it's not okay if I forget to do both of those. Which happens a lot.
But then you get all the other good parts about college and it makes it worth it.
Well, gotta run...again. | | |
| MovingI'm moving over to Voxtropolis. It's a new blog and it's really nice looking, so everyone should check it out and consider making the move as well!
http://livingoffyou.voxtropolis.com | | |
| Wrapping UpYep, that's right. Today is my last full day here in Virginia Beach. Tomorrow I leave in the morning for Michigan and by the end of the day, I will be home!
Oh my gosh, that 10 weeks flew. It seriously feels like yesterday when we got here and started unpacking, and now I have to start packing and leave. Then again...
I can't remember what I was even like 10 weeks ago, because I know God has done so much in my life here. He has taught me some absolutely unbelievable things that I never thought were possible. My view on God and His love for me...completely revolutionized. I didn't know my relationship with God could be that intimate, that personal until I actually was able to experience it for myself.
One of the coolest things to have happened is God revealing my insecurities and the lies I have believed in for so long, and then placing people in my life to help battle those lies. Actually, I thought I was all done learning, but over the past few days God has revealed another lie. A few days ago, I went surfing for the first time. It was great. I actually got up on the board once, too. The majority of the time was...not the textbook definition of 'surfing,' but I had fun. The best part was after I was done, I felt fearless. It was a new and exciting feeling. I felt like if God asked me to do anything..and I mean anything, I wouldn't hesitate to obey because I knew that no matter what, I was trusting in God and with God, everything is possible. I don't know, I can't really explain it, but it was amazing.
However, I couldn't hold onto that for very long, as my original image of myself came flooding back. I see myself as weak, a child who can't even sleep without a light on, will never just jump into the swimming pool because it may be cold or i could get hurt, is afraid to climb trees because of spiders or afraid to go on the monkey bars because the fall would be too painful. That's how I see myself: not bold enough to do anything God has planned for me. I will never be ready, His plan is too big for my life and I will just "chicken out."
That isn't how God sees me. In that moment of courage after surfing, and after some time spent with God and having Him reveal this lie, I realized that I may not be strong enough, but that's where God comes in. His plan will never be 'too much' for me, and if He hasn't revealed that to me yet it isn't because I'm not courageous enough and He knows I will just reject it.
I seriously wish I could live out my life with that kind of fearlessness, because I felt so free.
I'm excited to go home, even though I wish LT would never end. I know that God has even more amazing lessons for me in the month of August and I cannot wait until the school year starts. I'm so excited to be in the dorms and be in community again, and I'm also excited to see New Life grow and North Campus grow, and then there's the fact that I'm really excited about music and where God is taking me there. I am excited about all my courses, even though I may very well be in class all day long. I'm excited to sit in practice rooms at 7 AM and to live with Laura. I'm even excited for 7:30 strings!
All praise to God, the giver of strength and courage to do His will! (No clue where that came from...I don't usually talk like that). There is so much more I could write about, and if anyone would like to talk more about what God has been doing for me or just how the rest of my summer has gone, I would love to sit and have coffee (I really like coffee...) or talk on the phone (you know I want to talk to people about my experiences if I mentioned talking on the phone, one of my least favorite pastimes) or whatever. If you want to talk, I will talk.
I'm really going to miss it here....sitting on the beach this morning was so beautiful and peaceful. | | |
| Week 8So much has been happening since I last updated. I don't know if this is the case, but I think that God has been revealing to me a little of why I came down here.
I had goals in evangelism and prayer and in general, growing closer to God in the beginning. My evangelism goals weren't specific, but since evangelism isn't necessarily something I am "gifted" in, I tend to feel like I will never really need to be prepared for it. I know that if I spent the time preparing, learning the bridge diagram, etc, I would be able to be used by God anytime, but at the same time I'm not usually excited about taking the time to prepare for something that I won't be good at even though I'm spending all this time preparing.
Yeah....if anyone else can see the lies in that last paragraph, good for you. There are a lot of them.
Anyway, that's how I usually feel. I get easily discouraged in the field of evangelism and I also give up easily...too easily. Every Tuesday (project day) we have evangelism training. The hope is to have us be able to share the gospel here in Virginia Beach and really see God move throughout the city. I've gone out to do spiritual interest surveys, I've had spiritual conversations with people, and though I feel like they were completely divined...they were not fruitful. This past Tuesday we were being trained in the bridge. After the demonstration, we split up into two groups: one group that knew the bridge inside and out and the other that didn't. I being one who knew the bridge, had training in it before, and yet didn't put the time into practicing it, went with the group of people who didn't know the bridge inside and out. I wasn't excited about this time, and I could feel my heart being hardened to whatever God was trying to say to me. Oh, did I mention that I was extremely 'out of the spirit?'
Now, this may sound really really really REALLY pessimistic, but I've actually had time to think about this and pray about this. I've had a lot of scripture revealed to me on this issue and here's where I'm at right now. I may not be completely excited about being the one God chooses to spread the gospel, but the fact that (no matter what the outcome) whatever I do or say in terms of spreading the gospel is going to come from him. It's not my strength, but God doesn't just use those who are good at sharing the good news...he has called everyone to do so. I wrote this in my journal Tuesday night, "If He ever chooses to use me in one of my weakest areas, I will most definitely know that I was relying on His strength...I don't have much strength in the area of evangelism, but at that point I was believing that I am completely useless in the area of evangelism." The fact that Jesus called all of his followers to go out and spread the gospel, not just the ones that He knew were going to be good at it means that I'm not excluded from that command. The very fact that I am preparing to do something God specifically called me to do should be reason enough to be excited.
So where my evangelism goal in the beginning of LT wasn't specific at all, my new goal is to be able to share the bridge with an unbeliever this summer. Whether or not God was planning on using me here in Virginia Beach to advance the kingdom, He has given me a heart for community and a passion for growing community at New Life in the fall. I want to be able to share the gospel whenever God asks me, at a moments notice if not for now, for the fall.
I don't know, these are really scattered thoughts, but basically....
I don't have very much strength, if any strength, in the area of evangelism but I am excited to do God's will and to see new believers rise up. I'm even more excited to disciple those believers and see them mature. I need a lot of strength from God in order to share His word, but if I ever see fruit from that then I have to know that God has just been glorified even more. And if you could...pray for me that I would continue to prepare and learn the bridge diagram so that the goal I'll be praying for can happen. At least I'll be hoping for something to happen, which will help me learn it better. Pray that I will continue to be excited to do God's will and stop believing the lies that Satan is attacking me with that he will never use someone who is as weak in this area as I am.
"For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity..." 2 Timothy 1:7a
Just a little over two weeks left here, but I definitely feel like God is saving the best for last and I'm excited because two weeks is still a long time and plenty of time for Him to do amazing things! | | |
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