So.
We went to see
Pathfinder last night. While I do not agree with the teens leaving the theater that it was the "worst movie ever", it certainly does deserve direct-to-MST3K distribution. Here's what I learned from it:
1)Indians invented X-Treme Snowboarding.
2)Vikings look like Frank Frazetta paintings.
3)Centuries before being conquered and 'civilized' by Christians, Vikings had the exact same attitudes as centuries-later European explorers.
4)White Man Bad, Red Man Good, Except For White Man Raised By Red Man.
5)Red Man Good, But Also Stupid. Only White Man Smart Enough To Save Red Man.
(Yay! Two forms of racism in one!)
6)Let your party know if you've laid a Cunning Trap. Really. Trust me on this.
7)There were no sex-dependent roles in Indian society.
8)When they massacre your village for no clearly defined reason, the Vikings will pile plot-important characters on top of the mound of corpses for your convenience.
9)Despite the fact they have a mostly agrarian culture, Vikings do not know what 'Spring' is.
10)Viking longships, though built for coastal voyages, can cross the Atlantic while having enough food and fresh water to sustain a small army of horses.
11)If you swung a sword around when you were seven or so, and never touch it again for fifteen years, when you are 23, you will be able to beat warriors who train with the sword every day of their lives with ease.
12)Vikings never put skill points into "Sense Motive",
13)Or "Listen".
14)Or "Spot"
15)If the last time you spoke a language is when you were seven, and you do not speak it again for 15 years (or even hear it), you will not only speak it fluently and without hesitation, you will speak it with the vocabulary and diction of an adult.
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