Monday, May 19, 2008

• Educational Films

  Well, I have recently seen Iron Man and Prince Caspian, both of which were excellent films. I have also seen "Aztec Rex", which bore the government-mandated "Sci fi channel original movie" warning label.
  
  It was very educational.
  
  Here's what I learned from it:
  1)Aztec tribeswomen have the same personalities as modern Disney princesses.
  2)A random stranded priest would not be turned into snake-god chow, but would instead be allowed to live and teach the entire tribe fluent Spanish.
  3)Despite this, he would not manage to convert a single one of them to Christianity. Nor does he seem particularly inclined to do so.
  4)Tyrannosaurs can survive to the present day with a breeding population of 2.
  5)The great Aztec empire apparently consisted of a half dozen guys in bamboo huts.
  6)Tyrannosaurs are immune to point blank shots from cannons (which could shatter 6 inch thick oak planks), musket balls (which were about an inch in diameter back then), and crossbows (which could go straight through two or three armored soldiers.
  7)However, they are not immune to falling on a few wooden sticks.
  8)Cortez was not a man who dared take on a huge empire of hundreds of thousands with only a few hundred men and some horses; he was a cowardly wuss.
  9)Spanish sailors who have been at sea for months and who are presumptively homosexual  heterosexual will not only not go on a raping spree when confronted by hawtsome Aztec princesses, but will turn down one who throws herself at him.
  10)Until they're both being chased by a tyrannosaur. That's the perfect time to make some sweet, sweet, Aztec love.
  
  
  

  • 2:27 PM
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