Saturday, May 03, 2008
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Drunken Post
No matter where you go, you will always be you. I moved 3,000 miles just to find out that I will never be anyone but myself. There was no "new me" waiting at the Seattle city limits. I just had to learn to put up with myself.
I'm back home and already, I miss people. Not that city, though. Houston is so dirty and desperate and hard to escape. The worst part is that the people there seem to think it is just fantastic in every way. It's not, you guys. It's just strip malls and traffic and get out now, while you're young, while you can.
I love so many people. I swear...I'm always so scared when I realize I love someone. What can be more vulnerable?
I've been drinking straight Patron for a while now. It's fantastic...except Carlos has started drunk-crying, I'm going to put him in bed. I'm a very functional drunk.
If you could fix any one of your flaws, which would it be?
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Comments (8)
I'm to nice. I would consider that a flaw. I would probably get ahead more rapidly in this world if I were more aggressive, bullyish, and opportunistic.
My entire being
I would remove some of the conditioning maybe even all of the conditioning that I got as a child. Which would allow me to be less competitive, not a push over at times (which i've mostly got over now, anyway), and less looking for acceptance. All of which I am improving on my self. I would want to discover how the real me would be.
oh and also, I wish I could embrace friends more. I do, but I go quite at times - have you noticed - and I don't always show them that I like them.
:) functional drunks are awesome! heh
I understand what your saying about when you realise you love someone. It is something that makes us vulnerable, and I think for me it makes me afraid of commitment, but I try to push my self more now...
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Probably not the best reply, how are you doing? I hope your doing well !
I would fix the flaw that makes me think I need to fix my flaws rather than embrace them as part of who I am. really.
fixing flaws, eh? i'm no broken machine..I function as I do and don't need to be fixed. good post. I love writing drunk
self-discipline.
@driver4567 - I'm doing well, thanks :) About childhood conditioning, I have quite a bit of it. My mom never recieved my gifts with much joy, so now I have this huge problem giving gifts. I always feel like they're unwelcome, like they will make people uncomfortable. How weird is that? It's little things, really, like I can't stand guests going into my kitchen and I can't loosen up at parties. Sometimes parents instill the wrong things with the best intentions. Shedding all of that conditioning would feel amazing, I imagine.
How have you been?
"Houston is so dirty and desperate and hard to escape"
This is exactly what I felt about New Orleans... when I fled to Houston to escape.