Barbie

'Mummy I'm going to be Barbie when im growed up and have lots of lipsticks' - Niamh age 3.

Where oh where did I go wrong. I dont even wear lipstick.  Favourite song is 'come on barbie, lets go party'.  And everything is about barbie world.  She has one barbie that she scrounged off someone.  Every doll is barbie.  I might add she loves to wrestle and play war games with the boys.  I guess we have balance .

Michael will be thirteen tomorrow.  I mentioned how he'll be a teenager.  Michael wisely told me that its not like he'll develop over night and instantly become a mongrel.  I bit my tongue.

Ive updated this blog about 40 million times in my head but now that im actually here i dont know where to start. Usual story. Ill just start typing and before i know it we'll have an essay. 

Andrew and are still apart.  Friends but apart. Hes seeing a woman he met on the internet somewhere. She lives close to him so guess he got lucky there.  Im actually ok about him seeing this woman. I thought I might have a mini freak out or something but no, i just want him to be happy.  Without me sacrificing everything myself that is.

Im still seeing Dave. Everything is wonderful there except the physical distance between us.  I still freak out that im too old for him and i guess im more aware of signs of ageing more than i ever have been. I still freak out that we are wasting our time because of our locations. I worry that hes going to want a child of his own someday but for now he doesnt want to. Cross that bridge later. But hes a sweetie and he cares about me and i care about him.  We get to have weekends together here and there and with each weekend we seem to be closer. Obviously not an ideal situation but last one wasnt either.  My life wasnt really destined to be ideal. 

Since my last post Dave has met the boys (not Niamh).  I picked them up after their weekend with their dad and we went to the park and played soccer.  After that Dave left for his place.  It went well. They have also seen him since then and that was fine too.  Not rushing that one and not pushing anyone on to anyone else.

Yes im still playing the dreaded game. Its lost alot of its grip which is good although i still enjoy playing.  If there was no social interaction in this game i would have dumped a good year ago. Ive started reading again and watching some television (yes i know thats no great thing but its kinda normalish).