Sunday, May 11, 2008

• Next Step

  Currently Watching The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air - The Complete Second Season see related

  I know I said I'd lay off xanga/internet till finals are done but I need a break from my books....
  
  Yesterday, I chilled with some people I haven't seen since middle school at a carnival at my old school. Didn't really know what to expect....haven't been to a carnival since I was like 9 haha. On top of that, I haven't seen these girls since maybe 8th grade. But even though I thought it was gonna be awkward, it really wasn't. I guess the reason I was kind of hesitant to see them was because back then I was the most awkward kid, especially around girls haha. They would always nag me and I thought they were the weirdest girls ever. When I look back on it, though, it was probably just me being a kid. Yeah, that was me and my 6th grade state of mind. Girls are weird, now let's play basketball. Now it's more, girls are aiiiiight, now let's play basketball. Anyway, that's not the point I wanted to bring up. Man, I hope they don't read this.....
  
  I probably write about being nostalgic a lot...I don't really remember what I write about so I usually repeat topics...I think aha. But chillin with those kids really brought me back. Not only that, but it made me realize how far I've come. Ok, not that far yet. I'm still in college....but seeing everyone all grown up, seeing the changes that happened at my school, seeing old teachers, and looking back on past memories....it's crazy how much life changes.
  
  I'm sure everyone gets nostalgic every now and then. I loved my childhood, middle school, high school, everything. So lemme get to the real point of this post.
  
  Looking back on everything that's ever happened so far, I can honestly say that I've had a really good life up to this point. What's weird, though, is that right now....what's happening in my life right now....is completely different. Not different in the sense that life sucks...life is still really good right now. Just different in the sense that I'm not as carefree as I used to be. Everyone always talks about how college gives you the best years and I'm not gonna argue it. I mean, I just started. But regardless, I kind of just want life to start already. That's not to say I haven't lived yet lol. But I've been so carefree my whole life, had everything pretty much handed to me. My fam's always looked out for me despite any dumb crap I put them through and I've always had great friends to turn to. All of that is besides the point. Inside, I'm still a kid. I want to leave this somewhat childlike mentality and move on to the next part of my life. I have to. I'm pretty much done with how life was when I was a kid and, even though it's kinda hard to let it go because of how easy it was, I need to grow up.
  
  So what's this next step of my life? Hell if I know. Right now, I'm gonna stay in college to find that out. What I appreciate about college is that it's preparing me for the "real world" and helping me know what the hell I wanna do with my life. But for me, I could never go to college strictly for the ultimate aim to get super rich. I probably bring this up a lot, but I really don't care about excess wealth. All I know about this next step is it's gonna involve people and being selfless. I wanna help people. Cliche? It's ok, I know. Somewhere in my life I feel I gotta do something completely selfless and completely humble myself. Which is why I've been trying to cut back on unnecessary spending, materialism, and anything that I can live without. We definitely do live priviliged lives here in the States and I wanna help people that aren't as priviliged. Haha I think I'm giving too much information here. I've never really talked about this with anybody....and I'm writing about it on xanga aha.
  
  I saw Iron Man the other night and there was this line that really got me:
  
  "I shouldn't be alive unless it was for a reason."
  Oh Iron Man, you always know what to say.
  
  
  I really hope my friends don't read my xanga I talk about the most random stuff. Plus, they'd definitely give me so much crap about how I "talk about my feelings" haha.
  
  
  Back to studying.....
  
  
  

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