Can't. Breathe. Too. Stressed.

Everyone I see today is sloppy and unnattractive. Hi, if your back resembles a package of hotdogs, here's what you do: Get a better fitting bra and a looser T-shirt. Do NOT attempt to wear short shorts or miniskirts with your second skin of a shirt. Also, do not wear low slung pants or skirts with a shirt that ends above your navel. Nobody wants to see that and you will become the subject of much derison.

Guys, if you really want to feel hip, wear a belt with your close cut jeans, don't fake the funk by trying to sag your tight pants. And oversized sports jersey's or T-shirts are a no-no. Especially if you tuck. Just buy the Large, not the XXX Large. Heck, buy the Medium if you can get away with it.

And finally, I know it's Minnesota, and we don't get much sun, and the average person is more mesomorph than ectomorph, but please, please, please cover up at least your milky white cottage cheese thighs. You too, men. Come on now, there's children to consider.