it's been a while, and there's really no point because, really, who reads these things anymore? but still...

so i was told by someone who hardly knows me that i have a strong personality. im guessing that thats not exactly a good thing. i admit i can be a bit stand-offish. im not trying to be arrogant or anything...im just self-conscious.

last weekend, i got drunk and made an idiot out of myself in front of a boy i like. uncharacteristic, i know.

i completely lost touch with a friend from highschool. over winter break, i called her twice and left multiple voicemail and facebook messages, without any response. i guess i can assume that for some reason, she doesn't want to be my friend anymore. that's pretty sad.

colbie caillat's coming to vandy...that should be fun.

god, what would i do without music? i think my life would just fall apart.

I never loved nobody fully
Always one foot on the ground
And by protecting my heart truly
I got lost in the sounds
I hear in my mind
All of these voices
I hear in my mind all these words
I hear in my mind all this music

And it breaks my heart
And it breaks my heart
And it breaks my heart
when it breaks my heart

Suppose I never, ever met you
Suppose we never fell in love
Suppose I never, ever let you kiss me so sweet and so soft
Suppose I never, ever saw you
Suppose you never, ever called
Suppose I kept on singing love songs just to break my own fall
Just to break my fall
Just to break my fall
Just to break my fall
Break my fall
Break my fall

All my friends say that of course it's gonna get better
Gonna get better
Better better better better better better better

goodbye to you. especially you.

how did i get so lucky? i wonder all the time. yeah, there's crap everywhere. but all in all, i am just so damn lucky.

i feel like everyone i know had such an easy time choosing what school to go to.  jeanette got her dream school. kate got her tuition paid for. scott can go wherever the fuck he wants because apparently he's rich.

now i have to make the decision. pretty soon.

on one side, i have vanderbilt, its great reputation, a violin teacher i love, independence, and something completely new. however, there is the fact that i will graduate from undergrad school with 80,000 in loans. i'll have to actually get a job. and i won't be able to come home very often, so my nieces and nephews will grow up knowing me as "that one aunt that we never see". i don't want that.

and then there's mizzou. i won't have any loans. my brother and his family will be 30 minutes away, and home will be 2 hours away. my nieces and nephews will know me, maybe even better than monica and megan. i probably won't be as stressed out, and might be able to relax and have some fun. but the music program isn't great. it will be another parkway north, only bigger and with more drunk, immature people.

i seriously don't see one that outweighs the other.