Wednesday, September 22, 2004
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LETTER TO THE EDITOR
Mixed race children need open and truthful dialogue, not empty affirmations.CVK & JC
We just had to respond to Metrowest Daily News about their article that we posted here at MMW, on September 21, 2004.
Dear Editor,
As mixed race women ourselves, it disappointed us to read about the Wynns' approach to parenting their biracial children ("Seeing life through different colors: Teacher hopes book will help children understand multiracial families" by Liz Mineo, September 18, 2004).
The Wynns seem to be in a state of blissful denial. Instead of talking to their children honestly about racism and prejudice, the Wynns tell them "not to worry about that" and pump them full of strange self-affirmation: "I tell Darren he's the best boy on the planet and Kirsten she's the best girl on the planet."
It's natural for parents to want to shield and protect their children, but that type of feel-good reassurance does nothing to equip children to deal with the realities of this world. As activists in the mixed community, we see this type of approach used by parents all the time. Brushing issues under the rug, or smoothing over painful experiences by pulling out the trite ice cream metaphors is only going to result in years of built-up questions. Without a real forum to talk about their experiences, children--any children--will withdraw, become angry, and remain confused about their original questions.
Many mixed adults who were born in the 70s or earlier may have experienced this type of rearing. Without resources and a language to discuss these issues, parents did not necessarily know how to approach the situations that arose around mixed identity. Today, there is no excuse. With hundreds of resources at our fingertips (e.g. books, films, community organizations, websites), parents have more than enough support in raising their children responsibly. To be responsible is to listen to the concerns of your children and to address them realistically.
We are nervous for Wynn's son specifically because he seems to have absorbed the simplistic and irrelevant messages his parents have fed him. We can only imagine what will happen the next time a bully picks on Darren. Maybe he will get pushed. Maybe he will be called an "Oreo". Somehow, we don't think a retort of "but my family is the best in the world" is going to help him in these kinds of situations.
It’s time to take the rose-colored glasses off, put the chocolate milk away, and teach our children what they really need to know about living in this (still) racist world.
Sincerely,
Jen Chau
Carmen Van Kerckhove
Mixed Media Watch
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