mood:>>>need a brake but still going @.@;; lol

hello everyone. sorry for not being on in so long but yesh merry late cristmas and happy new year! sorry i have not been online in so long it's because of my mom and all the studying put towards my finals O.o (meep) lol. Right now i'm tired out off my mind, my head hurts my back is wound up like a pretzle and i cant see strait haha. it's 10:29am right now so i'm going to go hit the showers and see if i can get a spot of rest at least. so i'll see you all after finals!!! lol

~the moni-chan

"doing the impossible can be fun."- walt disney

mood: >>>i bite... grrr. but to my friends I bare no ill will.

hello everyone... gosh i was happy today but i dont know it seems people love to push my buttons when i'm doing fine. You know i really dont ask for to much and i love to smile from time to time to show how i feel but pardon my language if you want me to go back to the fucking stone age and snarle at you then so be it.  I'm actulaly very passive and gentile but if showing that i'm happy automaticly makes me sick then i hope you can deal with a robot with no feelings what so ever because if that is what you want then i'll let you have it. i've been in several small spats this week and i dont like to be like this but sometimes it's to much.... i just want to hear something crash under my foot or scream at the top of my lungs. just let out a blood curdling battle cry. " why cant you smile more?, why are you mad?, why are you so cold?, why cant you act more like a girl??, why cant you feel emotions the right way?,why cant you?, i want, i need, you cant....."  just shut the hell up.... this is why i'm a blaze... i cant handle this. i only want to be able to be free just like anyone else but if i have to fight for it like everything else..... then ok. I will be ok soon..... i just need to wash this anger and rage out. i'm going to go pray..... dont worry. i'm going to go heal........

~the moni-chan

sorry for no poem i'll make one soon and thankies for the props

i just need to say that sorry if i freaked anyone out

mood:>>> mind wandering,cold,hugging a suffed animal for confort.(i dont know why i'm so insecure at this time lol) ._.''

hellos everyone! Just so you all know i actualy got my lazy self to get a yahoo SN so here it is you all : thisburningsoul90 . It's cloudy outside which makes it pretty cold. i actualy had issues with geting warm today and i still am. But thats not really what bothered me. i sat and thought about how lonely and big the city is. curently i'm reading a book about this guy in rehab for my english home work and in this book he describes this great void and lonelyness which lead me to think about all the lonely people that live in this big city and durring the holidays how hard it must be on them. Also i felt the lonelyness take me by suprise so to numb it i listened to some depeche mode and fell asleep listening to david gahan's voice. It put me right of to bed after i had put the book down. it's a really good book it really was hard to let go of it but i felt lonely and a bit sleepy so i  had to. So out of insparation and today's feelings i guess i'll chock up a poem. so here it goes...

*black*

it grows closer to night and i wait for it to come

this blackness,this darkness,this pain

I look away and hold on to you.

we cover our ears and we wait for it to hit

this blackness,this darkness, this thing

the coldness takes hold and we shiver

under it's power. this is a silent killer and murder it wants

this blackness,this darkness, this void

it comes in waves and causes lovers to wither

this deadly state of mind that drives us all mad

this blackness, this darkness, this emotion

it leaves as soon as it came but leaves this stinging pain.

the best way to handle this disease it to let it come then go.

chase it away with a prayer or a spell or even a distant thought.

just make it stop...

(note* i'm not mad or anything i just felt ike that abit)

thats my spot of poetry for now. so i shall talk and see you all laters.

lovash you all!

~the moni-chan

mood:  >>>sleepy...but dreamy.

Hello everyone just fixed up my xanga and wow it's been a long time! just stoping by to say hello and that i might be on more often. i actaualy feel creative so i might put up some poems soon also some other stuff like songs and things. but for now i guess just stoping by. The holidays are around the bend and i;m happy but a bit sad at the same time because of all the things that have happened to me on the holidays as well as a bit of nistolgia. but nothing much else. besides my crazy journey through life it gets hard then it it lets me rest a bit like right know i should rest. lol but i'm to cought up thining of things passed and present and when i sleep some times i feel like i want to dream forever. but for now just keeping sane and loving everything that comes my way should keep me alright. well i better go now i'm sleepy. sorry for my ramblings i just had to get that off my chest but yesh see you all soon.

~moni-chan

ps: love will find you. when you least expect it. trust me o.o)    ^.^

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~the moni-chan