Yesterday Benson and I met a man named Don at the gas station.  It was late at night, and Don asked to wash my windows but I declined.  He talked to us for a while about his struggles--how the government is screwing him because he was part of a company that went bankrupt.  It was such a sad and unfortunate story.  And, Don was really smart.  He was 76 years old, a little too long-winded for my taste, but very intelligent and very sincere.  He used to teach at universities and he did/does scientific research with marine life.  But last night he was out at the gas station getting ignored and degraded by others when he asked to wash their windows so that he could survive.

He's not exactly homeless.  He has friends he's staying with and all...but because of the whole bankruptcy deal he can't get a lot of work, so last night he was doing what he could.  At the same time that Don is begging for his survival, he's trying to get a grant for a project with marine life.  Last night he was out to make $75 so that he and his project team could apply for their grant.  It was 11pm and he had only made $25, including $11 Benson and I had just given him.  He still needed $50 more. 

After talking with Don (or more like listening to Don) for 45 minutes, we got in our car and left.  I said, "He's not gonna get $50 tonight," and Benson said, "I know.  I don't think so either.  And I felt like God was saying to me, 'What's $50 to you?'"  Me too.

You know...I never know what to do with these situations.  People have their different theories, convictions and practices, but I still don't know.  I deal with them on a case-by-case basis and hope that after enough cases God will have molded my heart enough to where it becomes a little easier for me to know what to do in these situations...and to do it without having to hesitate so much.  Anyway, that said...

We continued, "What's he gonna do anyway?  If we give him $50, even if he is lying (which we really thought was only like a 1% chance)...what's he gonna do?  Wreak havoc on the street?  He's 76 years old."

We kept laying out our stupid nonsense reasons for not giving Don another $50.  What's $50?  It sounds like a lot, but we basically just spent close to $50 during our night out.  And if I somehow randomly lost $50 today, it would be far from devastating to me, much less ruin my life...but it could save Don's. 

Probably the hardest sticking point was the fear that he was lying and that we would get duped.  But really, what is $50 for the chance to save this poor man and help him to stop having to be degraded by the rest of the people at the gas station tonight?  $50, if he's telling the truth, gets him the government grant for his scientific marine research and gets him back on his feet.  And even though I mentioned that we were like 99% sure that he was telling the truth, we still hesitated so much.  Those were hard realizations to face because they pointed to our inability to love others, but they were helpful in freeing us to choose love.  Why are we in our sinful human nature so weird?

I'm reminded of how Jesus takes chances with people, where it is far more costly than a mere $50, for the chance to save their lives.  Over and over again, he does it.  And ultimately, probably the most costly, was his single act of dying on a cross so that we may have a new life.

I recently sat in a talk given by Jackie Pullinger.  You can Google her if you don't know who she is.  Anyway, she told a story of a prostitute she knew who she hadn't seen for a while and encountered later because the girl needed money.  Jackie literally had nothing except the oboe she used to play in her youth and the house she ran for prostitutes and drug dealers was at the time full to capacity.  She prayed, and God said to Jackie, "What's an oboe to you?"  Bah.  Jackie sold her oboe to pay off the woman's debt and brought it to the pimp.  The pimp called Jackie a fool, warning her that the girl would just be back prostituing herself again anyway.  But Jackie looked him in the eye and said, "Jesus gave his life for me before I changed at all--not even one bit."  It was a gamble for Jesus, but he gave his life to give us at least the chance to have a new life.  "She might come back to the street, but it doesn't matter.  I'm giving you this money to give her the chance for change.  What's an oboe to me, anyway, if she could have even a chance?"

Dang.

The pimp was right, though.  The girl did return to prostitute herself again because her gambling addiction was too strong.  But does it matter?  Does it matter if we know the outcome?  Jesus died for us so that we could have the chance for a new life.  He gave his life for us before we changed at all.  So, what's an oboe to Jackie?  What's $50 to me and Benson?

Like I said before, these types of situations are things I don't have a formula for.  And not all of them are even opportunities for someone's life to change.  But in the case with Don it really was an opportunity for his whole life to change.  He could get back on his feet with just 50 stupid more dollars. 

It was hard to let go of the fear of being swindled, even though it was a miniscule chance that would be the case.  But this was a chance to change a guy's life, and it only cost $50.  Fifty dollars can seem like a lot, but when I look at it in the ways I just described, I can't help but think...what's $50 anyway?

at aalc...

miguel walked on stage, so we made him sing for us.



and we made him say, so we sang "so sick" by neyo...



and then "if i ain't got you" by alicia keys...



then he had to leave. so brian sang "all my life" by kc & jojo with us. talk about oldskool.



so much for practicing!