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mooseworth
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Name: Laura
Country: United States
State: California
Metro: Orange County
Birthday: 10/31/1985
Gender: Female
Interests: becoming more like Jesus, knowing the Lord God and making Him known,
reading, good fantasy and sci fi (by Tolkien, Lewis, MacDonald,...), The Lord of the Rings trilogy,
pursuing truth, goodness, and beauty,
China and the language of Mandarin Chinese,
impressionist art, beautiful music,
learning to let go of perfectionism, daily being filled with God's grace and love,
savoring a cup of tea,
sunshine, green things,
curling up by a fireplace with a good book and mug of hot chocolate
Expertise: good hugs, worrying about trivial things, remembering song lyrics and movie lines
Occupation: Student, learner
Message: message me
Member Since:
12/5/2004
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| some things never changeAs I was rummaging among the piles of assorted books, papers, spiral notebooks, and myriad memories that have congregated in this room of mine- this room where I have lived since I entered Mrs. Thelma Simpson's 1st grade class up to the present- I discovered, hidden beneath the dusty lid of a window seat, a veritable treasure trove of faded, scribbled-on binders from my Junior High years. Sifting through the pages within for the past few hours has been a remarkably enjoyable task, and even now there are a few assignments and reminders from the past that have proved difficult to condemn to the "circular file cabinet". One particular paper that caught my eyes from my English binder deserves special mention, before it shuffles off this mortal coil, by merit of the insight into my 8th grade self captured therein.
First, a little context: The wonderful Mrs. Wilder, ever-vigilant "Guardian of the English language" and self-proclaimed "Princess of the MLA," always delighted to include a
thought-provoking question at the end of her spelling and vocabulary quizzes. After all,
these simple little inquiries made the quizzes slightly more bearable for
us, and gave Mrs. Wilder a chance to get to know each of her students just a little bit better with each progressing unit. Some examples of questions from other quizzes include, "what is one of your favorite things about your mom or dad?" and "what is something unique about your class [as in Class of '00]?", etc.
On the particular quiz concerning Vocabulary Unit 12 and dated 2-11-00- a quiz, I might add, that featured words such as mendicant and capacious- the question at the bottom reads: "Whom and what do you love?" My answer, in large, carefully printed letters, was precisely this:
I love Jesus Christ, my family, friends, church, my school.
I love sleeping in, candy, dressing up, worship, flowers, to laugh, sleep-overs, ice cream... (I love lots of things, one of which is LIFE!) 
That the answer was spontaneous is obvious, because the word "laugh" bumps right into the bottom corner of the paper, forcing the rest of the list to start marching, like little ants in a line, perpendicularly up the right side of the page.
Now, I may not always exhibit the guileless, boundless enthusiasm for life that was captured in that 8th grade answer anymore, but doesn't this list still sound a good deal like me? I think it does anyway, which leads me to conclude, "some things never change." It seems true, then, perhaps... something I heard recently... that "rather than becoming different people as we grow older and mature, we become more and more ourselves." That's an interesting idea, isn't it? I'll have to give it more thought, and perhaps write about it in more depth some time.
Tell me, what do you think of it, friends? What does that statement actually mean and do you agree or disagree?
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| one door closesWell, today I heard that they've decided to hire someone else for the position in which I've been temporarily employed for the past, hm, nearly 4 weeks. It wasn't a complete shock, I had inklings of it for the past few weeks; just little moments where I caught myself thinking, "I don't think I'll be doing this next month" or "I wonder how I can make things easy if another person takes my place here", or even "I wonder how sad my coworkers will be when they find out I don't get to stay." I never quite gave up hope until today, but I've known in my heart, I think, for about a week. I think part of the reason I cried at the end of my interview (which yes, i did. it was two of them against one of me and it was just a little too much strain. it was just a few tears there at the end, and they were really nice about it) was because I knew even then they weren't going to hire me. There were just signs that they thought I wasn't meant for that job.
And truly, I guess, I wasn't meant for it- wasn't meant to continue there, as evidenced by their decision not to hire me (it came down to 2: me and the one they decided on. it was that close! but they prayed about it a whole LOT and really feel that I should shoot higher than where I'd be if I took the job. and because they really sought the Lord on the decision, I'm sure it's the right one. I have peace about that, thankfully), and I wasn't meant for it because it's not my dream job and isn't very closely linked to my God-given passion for China.
Of course, there are always "what ifs" and perhaps I could have gotten the job if I'd done this or that thing differently or said things differently, but that wouldn't have been better in the long run. Several months in I might very well have regretted the decision to take the job, who knows? It's not doing what I love, though it's doing things I enjoy well enough and am more than capable at doing. But what if I really CAN find that job that really makes me come alive, not just because of the ideals it supports but also because of the particular tasks I'd be performing? What if I can find that dynamic combination? Well, now I have another shot at it anyway. Let's just keep praying that the Lord will guide me to the right place. =)
And you know what? I am SO glad to have had the temporary job there (despite the pangs of loss and grief for having to leave what was becoming my own loving community and little niche in the world)! I've LOVED it, it's been a great experience, I've learned many new things and improved skills I had before, I've made tons of new friends and strengthened previous friendships, I've made tons of new contacts who could give me job advice or contacts or references, I've served my much-loved local church by providing a valuable service to them, and I've served the Lord by pursuing the door He opened for me until He chose, in His faithfulness, to close it and lead me elsewhere. Blessed be the name of my Lord in all the earth, for He is good and His ways are unsearchable, but great is His faithfulness and love! I trust that He will work His will in my life. I can- and will- wait to see what He has planned for me next.
And with that, I leave you with the comforting song I currently have on repeat: Be Still My Soul by Ginny Owens (but actually a very very old hymn, according to Gina).
Be still, my soul, the Lord is on your side,
Bear patiently the cross of grief or pain,
Leave to your God to order and provide,
In every change, He faithful will remain.
Be still, my soul, your best, your Heavenly friend,
through thorny ways leads to a joyful end.
Be still, my soul, your God will undertake,
to guide the future as he has the past,
Your hope, your confidence let nothing shake,
All now mysterious shall be bright at last.
Be still, my soul, the waves and winds still know,
His voice who ruled them while He lived below.
Be still, my soul
Be still, my soul
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| A good quotationI came across this today and thought you, my friends, might appreciate this quote as much as I do:
"We do not understand what Christian life is all about until we see that it is entering the circle of the one who, 'while we were yet sinners died for us,' and invites us while others are yet sinners to live, or to die, for them. And so it is that we begin to bear the likeness of Him who was full of grace and truth."
-Calvin Cook
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| this is SO very meI saw this on someone's facebook wall and could not resist posting it. Look at it! So cute!
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| changed mana few sermon notes, more for myself than anything. the part that stood out to me most was when our pastor painted a picture with his words...
Naaman reluctantly forces himself to the banks of the murky Jordan river. A hardened army commander of Aram, shamefully infected with leprosy, he
dismounts from a gleaming chariot and drops his glorious battle armor
to the ground one piece at a time, then wades in to the river with determination...he'd rather be off completing some harrowing deed of heroism, proving his strength and valor, but he has agreed to heed the prophet's strange command and see what the God of the Israelites will do...
he dips himself completely once, then twice, three times, four, down and up... altogether seven times in the muddy, unextraordinary waters of Israel...
At last he emerges- and stares! Gone are the scars and decaying flesh and with them the proud man of stone. He's now a healthy, vulnerable young man- no, the years were not literally washed away from him, but the stain from them on his body sure was- leaving him with fresh, clean skin "like that of a young boy". he is brought back to a state of wholeness! healed. changed. the armor has come off and there is nothing, no layer of pride between him and God anymore. as a result of that simple, humiliating act (of obedience), God restored him, body and soul. how strangely God works sometimes!
if we'd but be willing to do the unextraordinary, lowly thing, how often would He in fact use it more powerfully in our own lives than any heroic act that we would prefer to perform for His- and our- glory?
search me and find the restless
search me and find the worries and doubts
that bind me
search me and find the weakness
search me and find the fears and broken parts
restore and heal my desperate heart
-Tim Timmons
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