Wednesday, November 14, 2007

• Fair warning: Self-indulgent post.

   

  “Haha… it’s funny that you’re so guyish…”

   

  Uh wait a second, hold the phone.

   

  I’m… what?

   

  I attempted to post about this a few days ago, but it was a little redundant so I consequently trashed it.  But it remains that this comment I received, from someone I just recently met online within the past few weeks sort of bothered me.  Ok, I’m lying.  It bothered me a lot.  So I’m trying again.

   

  Important to note: I’m not having any sort of identity crisis or anything like that, and I like how I am just fine.  It’s just that come on.  No girl in her right mind that I know likes being referred to, in any sort of vague allusion, as a guy.  Or… would they, if they knew what that involves?  And really, what does it involve?   What, in women (since I can only speak for myself), defines femininity or masculinity?  Is there some sort of rulebook on this?

   

  I tend to think not, but at first, I went through the list of things that could potentially make me seem “boyish”, because I admit I’ve always considered myself a bit of a tomboy around the edges.  It turned out to be something like this:

   

  -I don’t like shopping unless I have a specific goal in mind.  I go in, look for said item, I walk out.  I hate window shopping, I find it pointless.  While I sometimes do enjoy browsing, if I need stuff, I can think of many other more fruitful ways to spend money / entertain myself.  The only shopping I like doing without restraint is art-supply shopping.  In those cases, I’m like a kid in a candy store… where all the candy is vibrantly colored yet highly toxic.  (It’s a win-win!)  

   

  -I love certain videogames, and am at a competitively good level at a few of them.  I’m not really an uber gaming nerd, but a few games… I could certainly waste my life on.  (Smash brothers, star fox, DDR… etc.)

   

  -I’m low maintenance and I like it that way.  It takes me 15 minutes to get ready in the morning, and I look pretty damn presentable, thank you.  My priority will never be my nails, or my hair, and so, if you find yourself hearing me using that as an excuse not to do something with you, you know I’m lying.  (Though I think I’d find something far more original, like “omg, my pet gecko is sick.”  Or something.)

   

  -I have 2 pet geckos.  I love lizards, reptiles and the like, and as a kid, I loved dinosaurs.  I still love dragons.  And hell…. I still love dinosaurs too.  I bet you have no fucking idea what a euparkeria or parasaurolophus is.  Well, I do.  I read them pop-up books cover to cover.   

   

  <-----Parasaurolophus.  Get educated.

   

  -I love to fish.  And I have no qualms about grabbing that worm or clam, impaling it on the hook, and prying it out from the fish’s mouth while I hold its slimy, scaly body in my hands.  NO problem with that.  (I couldn’t hunt though, I admit… and I only catch and release, unless I’m going to eat it.)

   

  -I can out-burp most men I know.  Without beer.  (Probably out-fart them too, but that’s something I will never prove in public, thankyouverymuch.)

   

  -I love martial arts/horror movies.

   

  -I hate wearing pink.

   

  -I never squeal, or do anything in a high pitched voice, unless I’m outright mocking something.

   

  -When it comes to conversation, if you’re game, I’m game.  I don’t like prancing around topics politely for the most part, and I can be fairly blunt sometimes, though I do enjoy being polite and nice to people.  But… nothing’s really taboo with me, except if you have a burning passion for like… molesting small circus animals.  (I say this, because I know a lot of girls who will… like… not talk about certain things, like sex/religion/bodily functions or whatever.  While I don’t make a point of being as offensive as I can at all times, I just prefer straight-talk.  I don’t call a fart “a fluff” for god’s sake.  It’s methane gas: give it the explosive credit it deserves!!! …I also know girls who molest small circus animals, and never talk about it.  Talk about unhealthy!!)

   

  -I don’t mind pornography, as long as it’s not abusive to anyone. 

   

  -I say “dude”, “man” and “son” all the time.  (“Later, man.” Or… “Shiiit Son!”)

   

  -I will eat pretty much anything, or at least try it once. (I’ve eaten mealworms, cricket and ants.  Oh yeah, and raw horse.  ^_^ … I draw the line at scorpions, though.)

   

   (mmmm... horse sashimi...*drool*)

   

  So… that’s about it.

   

  I’m not sure what all of these things mean, but somehow, after many conversations I've had with people over the years: these things were considered "ungirly".  I realized, after listing all these facets of my personality out, that such traits can’t be “gendered” in a fair sense.  I mean when it comes down to it, being “masculine” or “feminine” is all about generalizations, if you ask me.  I mean, despite everything I said, I consider myself feminine.  Is that surprising?  I was actually partially offended when the guy told me I was “guyish”.  I am all of what I listed, but I’m also a sucker for chocolate, bubble baths, massages and kittens.  Is it just that, like the “woman stereotype” I’m just a contradiction?  Probably.  Because deep down, my feelings are contradicted.  I want to be me, which I am, but still be considered not just “one of the guys”, which often happens to me.  I’m always the best friend, or the person that my guy friends go to to bitch about their girlfriends.  It’s a privilege and a curse, because it gives me precious insight into man-land… but also makes me un-dateable, because most guys seem to assume I have a penis.  I’ve been asked, more than once: “So Liz… do you think she’d do me?” Or again: “Wow, she’s hot, don’t you think?”  LI3K, YEAH, TOT4LLY!!11!  SHE’Z LI3K SO SMOKIN!!111! 

   

  I also hear a lot of guys talk about wanting a “feminine” woman.  What does that mean?  (It probably means a chick who doesn’t write publicly about how awesome she is at burping…heh.)

   

  What defines femininity?  Is it the clothing you wear?  The way you smell? How dainty you are?  Your hobbies?   

   

  I don’t really get it.  

   

  Maybe that’s why I’m “guyish”.

   

  That’s also why I prefer taking it person-by-person, and not falling for generalizations at first glance.

   

  So tell me.

   

  What do you consider feminine?  Or masculine, for that matter?  I’m curious. 

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