Wednesday, July 09, 2008
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How do you feel about adoption of children by same sex couples?
I guess I've been relying on featured questions a bit lately, but so help me, these days, my brain is as barren as something vaguely witty relating to Paris Hilton, her offensive, talentless empty head, and her disturbing hoard of chihuahuas that was on the tip of my tongue, but that I couldn't quite formulate and follow through with. (By all means, give that one your best shot... it's a brilliant analogy waiting to happen, I swear.)
But yeah. I had to speak out on this one. Gays adopting? This almost broke my heart, not to mention burned my soul on principle for these poor children, in the fires of Eternal Damnation. (As opposed to Bi-Monthly Damnation, or, the ever- popular with the occasional half-assed sinner, All Inclusive Weekend Getaway Damnation)
Come on!!!
Don't you people KNOW that The Gay is contagious, and that if we let them have childrenz, The Gay will spread to future generations? It's like chicken pox. If you manage not to catch it as a kid, miraculously, it'll be ten times worse when you do break out (of the closet) into a rash of flaming, pustulent homosexuality oddly requiring calamine as an adult. The Gay worsens exponentially with age!! More itchy, burny and divinely dangerous in the eyes of the Almighty One!!! Better not to be exposed at all, lest your immunity (ie: YOUR SOUL) be compromised and you burn dangerously with bum-loving fever (ie: THE FLAMES OF HELL.)
God wouldn't allow this, you know. Put a stop to this, for the childrenz. Better to be homeless and unstable, than homo and unholy!!!
(For any potential moron out there taking this one seriously... there's even less help for you than for those who come up with these loaded questions. GO OUTSIDE AND TASTE SOME CONCRETE AT HIGH VELOCITY, FOR THE SAKE OF HUMANITY. And yes. I realize that not all Christians are gay-bashers. IT WAS SATIRE. SAAAAAAATIIIRRREEE.)
I just answered this Fucktarded Question, you can answer it too, dumbass!
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Comments (31)
I just laughed so damn hard. You are wonderful, witty, and very to the point. "The Gay is contagious." Priceless.
LMAO! That was awesome.
Satireeeeeeeeee. Very cool.
@Blue__Summer - I return you the compliment, ten fold, m'dear.
@SladeTheGreyFox - ^________________^ *joy*
@many_faces_of_the_insane_one - Thanks, haha.
@FreeeVerse - ^_^
They don't even have to be homeless. I have been assured by a very knowing American of my acquaintance in London, that a young healthy child well nursed is at a year old a most delicious, nourishing, and wholesome food, whether stewed, roasted, baked, or boiled.
I think I love you. Marry me now, Liz.
Wow you're so brave.
@Sungball - Stop teasing me. *sniff* You've already broken my heart more times than I can count, you Don Juan.
@Jinryu - ... mmm delicious.
@Juanita_pingu - Or... an idiot. THERE'S A FINE LINE!! ^_^
Ha! Great stuff!
i dunno why, but the "i am all that i am not" fact struck me pretty solidly last night. so i figured i'd try and convey it in some way. i'm not surprised you got it. not because i communicated it particularly well, but because...um...you're nimby.
I couldn't agree with you more!
Right, right satire.
That is to say...
Hill-air-we-us
re this post: does the fact that i'm aroused by your anger...well...that doesn't make me a bad man, does it? i hope not. see, cause i'm thinkin' i'm not gonna be able to shut it down.
You mean it's not contagious? I guess I can take off this clean suit and interact with my co-workers (though I can't prove it, they all seem like gay heathens with their tattoos and naughty talk)...
This is great, thanks for making me smile. You rock
I caught The Gay, but fortunately, it's only a moderate case.
It's very sad that we have to put all these disclaimers/warnings up before we post something that should be totally identifiable as being sarcastic and humorous.
People are getting to be so uptight.
<3 great answer, Liz!
Hehehehehehe ... Yes, those poor children! Heaven forbid they should go to a loving stable home, rather than being shuffled around foster homes for 17 or so years. That won't scar them in the least! And at least they won't catch The (dreaded) GAY!
Beautiful, beautiful post.
I am in awe of your wit and sarcasm. Wanna join me for an All Inclusive Weekend Getaway Damnation? Might as well see what we're in for, right?
@methodElevated - You have The Gay!?!?! Oh no, now I can never talk to you again, lest I become infected!
@CanadianBroad - Only half The Gay. I think you're safe.
All Inclusive Weekend Getaway Damnation....ha! so, it's like the Disneyland of Hell, right?
Is there a 6 days/5nights damnation package that comes with a free t-shirt that I could commit to? I have to go back to work on Monday...
yeah we might as well round up all The Gays and ship 'em off to an island so as to keep our world safe, pure and utopia-like. cause you know, straight people are perfect right?
;)
I love this.
It simultaneously manages to convey the sarcastic answer that I could never manage to write myself, and shred any answer I gave (or thought), seemingly without effort.
Oh, and answering Featured (erm, Fucktarded) Questions isn't all that bad. Eventually your brain will get tired of it and start coming up with some new off-the-wall topics. =D
Great post...if it wasn't satirical.