anyhow i'm falling back into that grim place of inconsistency; of being disorganized and slowly losing hope. this is not good. it is not fun. it is not mentally healthy.  i feel lazy. all i want to desperately do is either skate even if i suck, it's a good rush, or sleep....rest my mind.

i really dont understand a lot of things. mostly homework. i give up and become frustrated too easily. also distracted. one good thing is that i honestly can't remember when the last time i watched a full episode of anything was. no tv=good.

i need help. so quickly do i forget that things will be better, that if i pray, and that if i have faith things will come together.  how can a simple thing be so difficult to remember. how easy is it to lose all sense of hope and feel "emo" hahah.

also feeling much tension. getting mad and jealous over silly things. and i keep talk about myself. ewww.

and there's this one thing that's REALLY been bugging me.  i lent my friend my mp3 player a while ago. and she said that she gave it back, but i really can't remember when. and if so....where the heck did i put that thing?? my parents need it. and i'm gonna get into deep trouble, again. this always happens to me. letting people borrowing expensive things, and then losing them(me losing them).