i'm really tired. today was a anti-social day. sorta. kinda. haha. im relieved finals are over. no homework today.  i basically wasted it doing nothing. nothing at all. 4 and a half hours of chilling out.  i used to have an obsession with productivity. now i'm the total opposite.  i want balance.   sometimes i pressure myself too much, sometimes not enough.  i dont really know what "success" means to me or how to define it.  when i think about that word the first thing that comes to mind is "making a lot of money."  and i dont know, i don't think it's my dream to make a lot of money although it'd be really cool.  money scares me sometimes.  i'm afraid of becoming more materialistic than i already am and spending it all lavishly on silly things.  i don't go shopping much though.  but i do have affection to a lot of my belongings.  i like books a lot. bookstores<3 but they're expensive to me :(

i feel like painting a beautiful picture. i'm not sure of what but i'd use peaceful and serene colors maybe some kind of aqua colors.  it would have a lot of waviness and swooshness. anyways half day tomorrow! i just have this really good feeling that February's gonna be great.