Wednesday, March 12, 2008

• Last night I worked late (until about 7) and then had to drop some things off to Mr. S at his house. I carried this box full of binders, which were full of the project I've been working on lately (and keep thinking I've finished, and then...no), and I set it down on the ground so I could unlock the gate. One of the binders fell out and hundreds of pages went everywhere, and I almost cried. I have so had it with this dumb project, which no one is going to ever read or care about.
  
  Mr. S keeps his gate locked with a padlock and chain. I haven't been over there in a while and he told me the combination (note: this is not the real combination) was 8000.
  
  I tried and tried to get the lock open. I tried everything I could think of and it would not open. Mr. S was inside the house, but was "busy" and didn't want to come open the gate.
  
  I finally called him and said, "I must not be remembering the combination right. What is is again?"
  
  "It's 8-0-0-0," he said, and not in a nice way.
  
  "That's what I'm using and it won't open."
  
  "Push it down after you put in the combination," he said. As if i don't know how to open a lock.
  
  "I did."
  
  "Try shaking it."
  
  I shook the lock, careful to make a lot of noise with the chain so he could hear it. "It won't open," I said.
  
  "I'll come out there," he said.
  
  I waited about 10 minutes and he finally came to the gate. I had scrambled the numbers on the lock and he asked me to put it back at 8000. I did. This was a test to see if I knew how to enter 8-0-0-0 on the lock.
  
  I passed the lock through the little hole in the gate, and Mr. S said, "It's not on 8000."
  
  "Uh, yes it is," I said. 
  
  He looked closer. "No, that's 0-0-0-8."
  
  "No."
  
  "You read this left to right!" I was taken aback by how upset he was. I'd worked two hours late and just wanted to go home, and he wanted to argue about how to read the lock.
  
  "I know that."
  
  "But you have the combination right to left!"
  
  "No."
  
  "Look, I'm reading left to right and it says 0-0-0-8."
  
  "You have the lock upside down."
  
  "When you read a piece of paper, you read this way." He swept his arm dramatically from left to right.
  
  "Yes, I know that. You have the lock upside down."
  
  "I do not have the lock upside down."
  
  "Well, I'm pretty sure you do," I said.
  
  "That doesn't even make sense. If the lock was upside down, the numbers would be upside down."
  
  "They are. Roll that 8 to 7 and you'll see that the 7 is upside down."
  
  He took this as a challenge. He rolled the number and squinted at the lock. "Well, I don't have my glasses on, and I usually do this by touch (ed: which makes no sense, really)."
  
  I could clearly see that the 7 was right side up for me. "Mr. S," I said, "I think your combination is actually 0-0-0-8, not 8-0-0-0."
  
  He dialed in that combination and the lock popped open. "I'll have to look at this later with my glasses on."
  
  I picked up the lock. "No, I want to know now." I locked the lock and then opened it with 0-0-0-8. I had to do it right then, because otherwise he would change the combination and say I was wrong all along.
  
  I seriously wanted to grab joggers and dog walkers off the street and have them try to open it.
  
  This is the kind of thing that, if I did it, he would come unglued and never, ever, ever let me forget it. Ever. But he will never mention it again.
  

  Currently Reading Miss Wyoming By Douglas Coupland see related

  • 10:22 AM
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