Tuesday, July 15, 2008

  • then and now.

    Currently Reading
    Sex God: Exploring the Endless Connections between Sexuality and Spirituality
    By Rob Bell
    see related

    Last night when I was packing for my trip home, I sat down and looked at some pictures of me from a year ago, pictures of me when I graduated from Evangel.  Then I found a copy of the essay I wrote for my application to AGTS, written in May of last year.  Both the pictures and the essay showed me a person I didn't recognize. 

    In the pictures, I'm standing tall and proud, holding the dozen roses my mom gave me.  I'm smiling as I shake hands with John Ashcroft.  I look really happy as I stand inbetween my parents.  The essay sounds like it was written by somebody very confident, very sure of what they felt God was calling them to do. 

    I look at the person I was then and the person I am now, and the difference is stunning.  I've made a complete 180 degree turn over the past thirteen months; I went from happy and confident to sad and exhausted.  How is it that I haven't really noticed that change in myself until now?  I feel bad for not noticing it sooner, perhaps I could have avoided some of the problems I'm dealing with now.  Hopefully this trip home will help me recover whatever it is that I lost.

    Today is nine years since my parents got divorced.  For the first time ever, it's just another day.  I didn't make a spectacle or event out of it as I've done in previous years.  I just went ahead and lived my life.

     

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