I found my blogger. Actually, I have two: one that's for photos and the other is to write in when I'm completely upset about something. I never write in the latter one when I'm happy; it's just an unspoken rule. I don't know why I feel the need to have so many writing spaces either.

But I do: xanga, livejournal, blogspot, and facebook too, but I don't use it as often. Writing is such an intimate practice, and my facebook has become such a public place. Anyone can see it .Who cares if I can control the settings? Just the fact that I'm connected to 145 people who can watch my every move, every time I change my status, add photos, or make a new friend. They'll know about it, all 145 of them. So facebook is where I put on my tatemae in it's most extreme form.

Xanga is more for sentimental values, I guess? I've had this for years. I started a new xanga and that was where I was going to practice writing "stories", but my attention span was always the shortest of the crop so that plan died. I think it's sitting somewhere, gathering dust. The writing wasn't particularly good there either. (Please don't bother trying to find it. I'll just be even more embarrassed.)

Still, though xanga is the longest, I still feel the need to wear a "public" mask whenever I'm writing on here, though the said mask isn't as strong as the one I present on facebook. That's because not everyone knows about my xanga--you can't easily connect a face to account here. Most of this is "masked" writing is reflected in my more recent posts, I think, though I have been showing more personal aspects of my life (mostly through photos). If I were to categorize my xanga entries, I would say that the content is a more polished documentation of my thoughts and memories.  So xanga is like a published memoir where I share aspects of my life--but not everything.

Livejournal is where my uncensored thoughts are, where I write without having to worry (much) about what other people say or think. As a consequence, livejournal is filled with more pointless posts, in particular, whenever I'm passing through different fandoms. Short one-liners are usually found here, some of which is mostly found in the form of an incoherent run-on sentence. Livejournal is also where I keep translations for my favorite Japanese bands, and yes, I even have an account for another failed attempt at writing fiction... again. Or rather, fanfiction. But that's a memory I would like to forget if at all possible. (Don't try looking for it!) So livejournal is my honne, and my other livejournal accounts are just testing grounds for new possibilities (like translation and writing horrible fanfiction).

Then, more recently, I signed up for a blogger. The first blogger is where I went to write whenever I felt upset, angry, frustrated, or a combination of both. I then created another one to house my Project365. Blogger just has a nice layout, and it doesn't take a genius to set it up and select a layout, so it was great for a not-so-computer-savvy person like me. What I noticed as I was reading through my bloggers is that whatever I wrote, whatever I posted, had this wonderfully brilliant quality to them. I don't know how to explain it, but it feels like my "best". The first blogger especially. (The one where I wrote my mostly emo!posts. My state of mind when writing there might have affected the quality.) I haven't written in it for almost a month--it doesn't mean that I have been happy this entire time, but rather I didn't feel upset enough to log back in--so I had almost forgotten about it  completely until a precise combination of thoughts triggered a memory. But it feels so long ago, it feels like that girl who wrote so angrily and irritably, the girl who was confused because she didn't know what to do about this or that, it feels like she's not here, like I'm reading about someone else's trouble. It's a strange sensation, especially if you know that it's you that wrote everything there. So blogger is the home to Project365, where I get to flesh out my photography skills--or lack thereof--in addition to being the vent space for my insecurity attacks. (It happens, as much as I don't like to admit that I have weaknesses. :P)

Anyway, the main point was just to try and figure out why I need four different websites to write, write, and write. Ideally, if I could just organize them into one area, it would be a lot less bothersome, especially when it concerns having to remember screen name and password combinations. At the same time, it's completely characteristic of me to have myself spread all over the place, like I'm respecting the different moods and identities I've absorbed over the years.

But still, I'm noticing that all I seem to do is write, write, write, and write. That is, when I'm not frantically studying.

Watching clips of Avatar: The Last Airbender in Japanese.

 

I know, I should be doing something productive! D:

Changing the subject a bit, Avatar is a great show for those who haven't seen it yet. Yes, it's animated and airs on Nickelodeon, but it has eerie parallels to historical events (but translated to Avatar world), it's got a blend of East and Western traditions, and it has witty writing.

Go watch it. :D