why should i ?

 why should i be the first to pick up the phone and call. Call to admit my wrong doings my faults?? hmm... ill tell you why because yes i do have my faults and i had them in our friendships but when that one has the nerve to post what a best friend is.. Well then that just disturbes me. When did you ever pick up the phone to call and say sorry for something you had done. I will not always be the strong one and im not. Wonder why the argumants came about in the first place..... i was hurting. and yeah you did try to comfort me you did try to help but nos ooner you usad aww i know how you feel the talk turned right back around to you. yes i know i dont know everything but dont you think that if i felt this way then maybe just maybe as a friend you could have found out why.... You could have changed a little somthing . when we had the talk about "behaivoir" those were my issues . those were my issues those were reasons why i hurt but why did it feel like u just brushed it off like anything else. so there why should i call first. and NO!! if u are reading this i am not a coward!! but you wanna know something that is true i feel like you minipuladted me for soo long. like it just bosted your estteem to have me call back after a fight and be so sorry .. well im not a coward i had to stop it so again i ask why?? why shouid i be the first to call??

 i wish i could be sorry...

  Hey all.. I havent updated in a really long toime bbut i just had to after just looking over some things..... I just need to say how horrible it is to all my friends all my innocent minded friends whohave grown up , introduce into the world and are going through hell right now.. I find it amazing that my first of friends have become so cold hearted and distant from not only me but themselves.  BELIMIA, ABUSE, CUTTING. why are these people doing these things to themselves.... why??? do they not think they are wanted are they not as happy as they seem or is that everyone around them are just to absent minded to realize that there hurting. or are we all just caught up in our own reputations or ways of life that were just being so little that we are even AFRAID that we will fall to there level ,,, What difference does it make!!! whether we are talked about or the most "popular" person in school . we all HURT  sometime in our lives but i guess nothing makes us feel better than to hurt other people . Nothing like making someone feel the way you did when you cut yourself .....ey?/   and to the parents.... are you all that ignorant... are you all that stupid to simplify that statement just made... dont act like you do  not see your children cryning these dayys i bet you all dont even know that your child if attending one of the best scools or not feel as if they are being pushed so hard.. hey  who knows you all might want them to feel like that but when i see a friend cry because of a stupid letter or beacause they ar enot number one iN SCHOOL  i think that a parent needs to step down from the respected pedistool that they belive they are welcomed to have. know no offense to all parents and its not just your fault but trust me you the icing on the CAKE COULDNT COME ANY THICKER.  

  know many of my friends look for an outlet to there stress . sometthing that relieves your soul from al the anger that has just driven you crazy. Amazingly i give the advice to look to God. know many people may just brush this remark offf .. think maybe im even crazy but how could you deny something if you dont belivee that it is real.. ??? how could you argue or debate that something does not exsist if you do not believe that it is real .. see God works in mysterious ways but to work in the lives of all you, you gotta believe you gotta asked to be forgiven ... he cannot enter into your heart and soul if you do not let him. i have experienced time when it seemed like things could get any wose where ive douted myself but there has also been times where my mother a person stuck in between of belief and non belief took the time for once to believe  and the slump that she had fallen in was cured . her mind set had changed because she knw that she could do it she knew she was loved .. know whether any one of my friends take this in read this or not  when yuo feel like picking up that razor or doing whatever do not forget that you dont have to that it will not bring you hapiness it will only drive you cray and crazier quit telling yourselfs that u are a failure tha you cant  do it or that you have to do something. you are a child of God and as long as you knoe that your one true creater loves you and will always yopu will see that everyone no matter how men or picky loves you to and then youll see that you can do the sAME  and make another happy 

 YOU DONT HAVE TO BE SAD ... YOU CAN BE JOYUOS AND AS MUCH AS YOU WANT TO DENY IT YOU AREL OVED !!!!!!!

........ thoughts............

            What if today wss tommorow..................

.......... would you still hide that smile of yours........

would you still hold back that kisss......................

................would you still keep secret your love 4 him....

What if a tear was able to fall withought a burden.......

..........would u confess to your love to her................

................... would you miss the scent of her hair..........

would yo take that chance to tell her u love her..............

..............If my today was tomorrow ................

       ............... I would not hold abck my hello............

...... I would smile ....... I would share my joy............

.............if a tear was able to fall without a burden ....

I would reach out my arms and and create a flood............

.............. I would tell him i loved him until i could not anymore.................

,........................... because thats when you do when hes him......

......................... your love

........yours truly.........