I have come to realize that I could easily fade away, and very few people would even notice let alone care. Of course people who are obligated to care would, like my family, but if you know me and my family then you know that I have very BIG issues with my family. We get along, but we don't. You see, for whatever reasons, I am the worthless one, and nothing I ever do is right or good enough. I know this is how they feel about me, of course they never say it, when I say it, they deny it. But actions speak alot louder then words.
I have very few friends, but at least my few friends are very good ones, and that the best kind. So I know that they would care.
But this week has been so hard on me, I have sent several messages to different people, and gotten NO RESPONSE from anyone. What the hell?! I know you read them. And the one the gets me is Him, but you know, fine, whatever, I know you are busy. I just don't get why does he read them at all. I get now that he doesn't want to talk to me, no big deal. Yes it hurts, but not the end of the world. I knew all along I never stood a chance, I just hoped that maybe we could be friends at least. But he doesn't respond. Fine, I 've sent him like half a dozen messages in about two weeks time, no response. I am not a stupid person, I get what that means. It's a guys way of say leave me alone.
And it would be ok, but I have sent them to other people too, and no responses there either.
And of course I have the issues with the boyfriend. I have no idea what to do hear, We almost broke up, to the point I told him, fine just give me my ball game tickets and you can have the concert tickets. I know that I don't want to be alone, so I will at this time work on things with him. Not like anyone else is interested in me. I am not the type that any guy goes for. They like my personality, my not my style or looks. I know that guys don't really find me attractive, I have always known that. Problem is too many are so shallow they only want the very cute and as it turns out very young ones. I am neither. I am not old either, but I am over 25. I know it is horrible of me to stay with one guy because I don't want to be alone, but I was alone for a long time before this relationship and it sucked, and I go out now, NOBODY looks at me or hits on me.
I know I sound so whinny or whatever right now, just going through a tough time, if you know me you know what it is. Sorry to bother anyone.
Update-
I was just having a really bad time when I write that, but am feeling better now.
Post a Comment