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| What I want"The strongest man in the world is he who stands alone." -Henrik Ibsen.
I'm hoping that there's truth to the quote on Bloomberg today. I know
it's a childish ambition, but I'm still looking for the chance to do
something meaningful in life. At first, I thought it would be through
some sort of academic endeavour because God knows with my family there
was no other example to follow. But then, of course, I had to be a
little too materialistic for my own good, and take an investment
banking job in Hong Kong so I could kill myself day after day of long
work hours. And for what? To earn that extra buck so I can spend it on
that day or two that I'm not working, that diminished Saturday and
Sunday. I wonder if I could still go back, and think about doing great
things. Or do I have to wait til the end of my career, when either I
quit and work for Unicef or contribute something meaningful to a
charity of my choice? I remember thinking once that I was following in
Sun Yatsen's footsteps. Born in Taiwan, raised locally and overseas,
then incidentally attending the same high school in Hawaii, and coming
back home with something of an advantage. Now that I'm in Hong Kong it
must be my chance. After all, Sun did stage a revolution in China and
started it from hiding in this city. Sun had always been an exceptional
individual, but it was in this enigmatic city, Hong Kong, that he began
to change. I can almost feel the duality of this place, it's
extraordinary sense of financial freedom and undemocracy at the same
time. Perhaps it being only two days after the 10th anniversary of
Handover has something to do with it, and I can feel a palpable
presence of the Chinese Communist party in each bang of the fireworks
display. Hong Kong really is an amazing city. Yet, I find myself
yearning for Hawaii a lot in my spare time. I think the reason for the
two being so far apart, so unattainably separated, is because God has
said that I can choose only one or the other. And it's clear to me that
despite what I may want in Hawaii, it will have to wait until after I
make something of my time in Hong Kong.
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| Wow. That's all I have to say about this soundtrack and the suspect dvd I bought in Wanchai, which is amazing. These hip-hop fusion dance movies are really getting to me.
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| What struck me about his reflections on this past year was not so much the
depth and complexity but his clarity of mind and sense of composure in
spelling it all out. It sounds like he's been through hell, but you don't
see any scars from the way he's writing about it. Also, although he says
that he has come of it with a heightened sense of self awareness and inner
strength, I suspect that his re-assimilation will be shakier than he might
expect. His sense of detachment is ironically kind of spooky. In any
case, he deserves all our support. As far as I'm concerned, he's welcome. | | |
| A page from Curtis's journalI year at war is almost finished. It has been a year full of experiences and revelations. In
this type of environment you learn allot. You learn things about
yourself, and the people around you. I have learned that I am capable
of things that I never imagined. I learned that I'm much more resilient
than I ever knew. I have also learned what it takes to break me. I know
that when all of this is over I will never forget the things I've
experienced. I have seen things that I can't un-see. I know that there are sounds that will echo in my ears forever; explosions, gunshots, screams. There
is blood on my hands that I will never be able to wash off. I have
learned that complete strangers can be willing to sacrifice everything
for your well being; and that that those closest to you can be willing
to cause you great pain for the sake of their own comfort. I've seen people at their best and their worst.
I have
changed. I am no longer the person I thought I was when I first arrived
here. I view myself differently. I look at everyone in my life through
a different set of eyes now. I know that I will not be returning to the
same life I left. People have grown in my absence. They have graduated,
married, fallen in love, and had children. Life goes on without me.
That revelation is both painful and liberating. Painful in that its
made me realize that the self-importance I once felt was all an
illusion. Liberating in that I know that I can go off to pursue goals
I've pushed aside to be there for those I felt needed me.
I have no
romantic notions of what my return will be like. I expect no parades or
parties; no tearful greetings at the airport. I expect nothing more
than relief from those who worried for my safety. I know that whatever
the future holds for me will be a result of what I do and the decisions
that I make for myself. My life is my own, and the responsibility for success or failure rests solely on my shoulders. This past year has prepared me for that responsibility. Curtis | | |
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