and thus was it so with ethan as well.

**The views, opinions, stories, truths, and falsehoods expressed in the above representation of reality do not necessarily reflect upon events that have actually occurred in the past, are occurring in the present, or will occur in the future to people to whom these events are said to have taken place.

And thats the realio-trulio story

once upon a time, ethan and the jenn were separated by a thousand miles. she was in south carolina, and he was in the kingdom of far, far away.

actually, things have always been thus.

during this once upon a time, the jenn began to pine away for ethan's witty and intelligent conversation...and also just ethan himself because even when hes saying something that isnt remotely witty or intelligent, the jenn thinks the world of him because he's ethan, and, afterall, isnt that enough? since ethan and the jenn were both working with schedules that werent flexible in the least (and both were being worked like slaves), conversation was nearly impossible if it was desired for more than three minutes at a time. thus, the jenn decided that she absolutely must devise a remedy for her dreadful longings, and set about finding an alternative source of joy (not an alternative for ethan...goodness, who would say such a thing? she only wanted an alternative to conversation with him.). it didn't take her long to realize that she knew him just well enough (for they had been friends for at least four years) to have conversations with him in which he was not actually one of the speakers present.

once she realized this, she began having regular conversations with him in her head, sometimes going so far as to have an actual argument because those are sometimes fun. passing away her time in this way, the jenn soon grew to be happy, and her days flew by as she was able to look foward to each new day as a blank thought bubble to fill with conversation.

however, she still missed the real ethan very much.

the end.

**The views, opinions, stories, truths, and falsehoods expressed in the above representation of reality do not necessarily reflect upon events that have actually occurred in the past, are occurring in the present, or will occur in the future to people to whom these events are said to have taken place.

And thats the realio-trulio story

How Ethan and the Jenn Came to Realize They Were Spies: A Summer Night's Dream.

Once upon a time, Ethan fell into a deep, deep sleep (which usually happens when one goes to bed after a long and hard day), and he began to dream of all the things he had been considering whilst he was awake. Soon enough, he found himself sitting in the Jenn's living room, watching a scene unfold before his eyes, though no one appeared to take notice of his presence. Hearing the front door open, Ethan turned to see Jenn enter the house quietly, dressed in black from head to toe. Her father cleared his throat, and she looked at him with alarm as he asked her to please sit down with him in the living room because he had something very serious that he needed to discuss with her. She complied with his request, but before he could open his mouth to speak, her mother burst in furiously, holding a gun.

"Jenn, why do you have a Bacardi issued gun?! I demand an honest answer."

Jenn replied that she had been trying to avoid this confrontation for months, but as she could now see that it was inevitable, she informed her very worried parents that she was part of the covenent. Naturally, her mother cared very little about this and instead demanded to focus on the more important aspect of the conversation (and I'm sure that anyone you ask would indeed agree that this was the more important): the Bacardi gun. If you cannot see the obvious advantages of having a 9mm handgun that not only disposes of those who annoy you and/or you've been paid to eliminate but ALSO dispenses a shot of Bacardi to the shooter at the same time, then you will no doubt be damned to the seventh circle of hell, which is reserved for those who are too damn stupid to appreciate the finer things of life. Right next to you will of course be Ethan, in the circle reserved for those who are pure evil.

Returning to plot exposition of the dream: Jenn's mother demanded to know what was going on, and stressed the absolute intolerance of alcohol in the household. (This is obviously some alternative usage of the word "stressed" which in this context can more accurately be understood by combining the following words: militant, livid, hydrogen bomb, advancing hordes, etc.) Jenn was a bit baffled, and questioned the priority listing for being upset about alcohol when there was the slight issue of being an EVIL international spy with no qualms about killing innocent people. Jenn's mother retorted that she would need a better story than that to divert attention away from the alcoholness, and so to prove her story Jenn shot some random guy who came to the door.

It was at this point that Jenn's father stood up and with absolutely no indication that his actions were anything short of normal shot Jenn's mother, who fell to the floor (let the record show) dead. As can be expected, Jenn had a little trouble understanding her father's actions. He went on to explain that her mother was the head of the convenant and so he absolutely had to shoot her, and by the way he's an agent for the CIA and doesn't that just figure? Jenn reacted  in this way:

"Daddy, no she isn't and... what? You're an agent? What? But wait....you just SHOT her!"

It was at this point that Ethan became visible, because apparently until that point he had mastered the art of being invisible. Ethan voiced his opinion that he really didn't think Jenn's mother was convenant either, since both he and Jenn worked for the covenant and they rather thought she might have said something had she been their boss. What with all the talk about Jenn's mother, didn't it just fit in that she suddenly stood up and began to yell at Jenn's father for shooting her in such a way that blood got on the new sofa. You may be asking, dear reader, why Jenn's mother was standing up and talking if she was, as the record clearly shows, dead. You may even be one step ahead of most people in wondering why, if she somehow was alive again, she was yelling about blood on the sofa instead of the fatal attack against her person. You will be happy to know that you are in good company as both Ethan and Jenn were also quite baffled. In response to Jenn's questions, her mother responded,

"It's ALIAS Jenn, no one is really ever dead."

What what? ALIAS? Sure enough, Jenn and Ethan turned and saw that one of the walls in the room was in fact a glass TV screen, and through it they could see the audience watching them.

***Data corrupted.*** (Note: this is a very, very clever way of skipping a boring part of the dream and getting right to the action. It also, for the record, helps make the plotline of us being agents all the more plausible. You should be amazed at our cleverness.)

Anyway, dream scene change! Ethan and Jenn, along with her parents, are fighting off EVIL RAMBALDI BAD GUYS in Italy!!! Despite the seemingly conflicted sides (namely Jenn and Ethan being EVIL and her parents being not) they nonetheless teamed up to take out the EVIL RAMBALDI BAD GUYS who were agressively trying to kill them. After disposing of their enemies with ease, because they're just that damn good, Jenn and Ethan found out that Jenn's mother is actually the CIA director. Hmmm... that's nice. But Jenn and Ethan are still EVIL and convenant, and so they said their goodbyes and made a quick and not-so-subtle escape so as to not be taken into custody by the CIA.

And so, dear reader, you are left to marvel at the sheer brilliance of Jenn and Ethan, and to ponder when they shall next show up, and when they do, where shall it be? Whom shall they be killing? And will they do it with the Bacardi handgun? We shall see. You are also free to ponder what the HELL is wrong with Ethan that he would have such dreams as these. Well, the therapists are all wondering the same thing. You're in good company there. In conclusion, it can often times be fun to type things in ALL CAPS LETTERING.

**The views, opinions, stories, truths, and falsehoods expressed in the above representation of reality do not necessarily reflect upon events that have actually occurred in the past, are occurring in the present, or will occur in the future to people to whom these events are said to have taken place.

And thats the realio-trulio story.

"Hey, um, it was me, and im just sitting here doing absolutely nothing. watching alias. season three. and im on the episode, haha, where loren's dad finds out that she's convenent, and so hes like, 'come in here, shut the door, we need to talk.' and i was like, hm, you know? its a good thing that jenn is not loren because if jenn was some totally evil blackhearted international spy who killed lots of people, i dont think her parents would react very well to that." -Agent E

i love voicemail. i love it for so many reasons, but lately, darling, you are my reason. the best thing about it is that i didnt find that message at all odd, or random, or confusing...its the kind of thing that would have popped into my head were i watching season three of alias. and you know? its a good thing that you arent sark, because if you were, i dont think YOUR parents would react very well either. im sure they wouldnt like it at all if they had competition in the spy area *wink* teehee.

on the other hand, it would be totally and completely awesome if we WERE loren and sark, and afterall, we needn't let our parents know.