Actually...Lisandro's party seemed to work. Not only did I meet a few new amazing people, but we created (with only a hand, a marker, and a girl's face) possibly the most adorable example of stop-motion animation ever. Woot!

Today I believe I will do something constructive. First--take up Adam's offer of volunteerism. Second--perhaps Ultimate in Koon's Park with Ben and the crew. Third--do what needs to be done regarding thank you notes, CONA, etc. And then--who knows!

Some Whitman is in order at this time. "Song of Myself", 52:

The spotted hawk swoops by and accuses me . . . . he complains of my gab and my loitering.

I too am not a bit tamed . . . . I too am untranslatable,
I sound my barbaric yawp over the roofs of the word.

The last scud of day holds back for me,
It flings my likeness after the rest and true as any on the shadowed wilds.
It coaxes me to the vapor and the dusk.

I depart as air . . . . I shake my white locks at the runaway sun,
I effuse my flesh in eddies and drift it in lacy jags.

I bequeath myself to the dirt to grow from the grass I love.
If you want me again look for me under your bootsoles.
You will hardly know who I am or what I mean,
But I shall be good health to you nevertheless,
And filter and fibre your blood.

Failing to fetch me at first keep encouraged,
Missing me one place search another,
I stop somewhere waiting for you.

Currently Listening The Antidote By Morcheeba see related

What the hell am I going to do with myself all summer???

I had the startling realization this morning that, for the first time in nearly two years, I have some time on my hands. As far as I know there's no schoolwork to be done over the next three months (although plenty of packing and preparing), there's only so many movies to watch, and Ann Taylor is scheduling me erratically these days--a fact which will certainly change over the next few weeks when I supplicate her for more hours. But the fact remains that, aside from CONA in a few weeks and the beach a month or so from now, I have nothing whatsoever to place demands on my time.

I don't know if I like this.

Here's my concern--I like to think of myself as a generally driven individual seeking self-actualization and some fun, too. But when faced with an abyss of time which nonetheless has the potential to slip right through my fingers--I'm sitting here with no idea what to do. I'm thinking back to all those times during school when I resented the fact that I had no time to be creative or special or whatnot...and now that I could do what I haven't done in months and pick up a pen and write something original--where is the inspiration? Hell, let me go on college visits again and be inspired by general academia! Let me go RTA at PGSIS and inspire some other people! Give me a play to direct/obsess over! Someone throw another graduation party, for god's sake!

I miss my Societies and Cultures class (the class of everything), learning Japanese, learning more about the world than I ever thought could fit in my brain, reading about things I never could have imagined (and talking about them with 97-odd intellectual equals/superiors), debating with the gov crew/governors, running around Washington DC like I owned the place, and generally...living. Last summer, despite the massive workload and lack of sleep, was the best one of my life. Hm.  

As with any form of stagnation, I think some disturbance and movement is the only cure. An excursion is most definitely in order. Maybe hanging out with Lisandro and the internationals tonight will get something moving in me again...if not, anyone up for a road-trip?