Wednesday, May 14, 2008

• fingerprints

  I really experienced God's grace at work today. How sweet they are, these little graces-- fingerprints of Abba letting us know that He's around. Being in a state of (what might i call this season... brokenness? pit?) hunger, famish, surely lets the soul feast at whatever's brought to the table. When there's so little of you left, it's nothing less than a privilege that the little offered up may be of use to the Most High.. I feel blessed.

  It's so easy to slip into the reluctance to be available.
                                                      My spirit knows this well.
  Other times... it's an even more painful un-knowing of who we are.
  Too many times, it feels, denying or forgetting the ministry and priesthood we are called to... as His.
  Some times... that's because there's so little space in that scale of life as a human to remember.

   

  But the Holy Spirit never fails to love us yet.

  
  It was a simple prayer on the way to work.
  
  "Father, I do not have the heart of a spiritual giant.
  I do not think i even have the heart of a faithful servant.
  But I'm Your child, and I still want to be of service.
  Help me serve You at work today."

   

  J is a stern and serious (so they say) burmese man. He's pretty much my number 3 boss? I guess it's fine to put it that way. I'd asked him before about how his family was after the cyclone disaster hit Myanmar... a few days ago when Father reminded me to take compassion with me as i sojourn. He couldn't get through to his family then coz the lines were down. i remembered them on sunday as the church remembered the burmese in prayer. I asked again today... and the next thing i knew, we were seated on crates at our service clearing area for over an hour and a half and he was sharing about his life, his family, his grievances about his land and the needs of his country.. i must pray for him... and for his land.

  R is a jovial, extremely attentive service staff from the philippines. He'd been struggling to survive out here on his own and he hasn't gotten to touch pinoy food for the past 6 months. When he saw me today, he beamed and said it was so nice to see me again. He asked how long i'd be around in operations.. and when he heard i'd be sticking for 3 more weeks, he seemed so genuinely glad about that. my heart went out to him... i know singapore is way different from the philippines. i'm determined to bring some of my mother's cooking one of these days that he may enjoy a sentimental taste of home. =]

   

  moments like these leave me in that "it must be God" state

  ...that rests my spirit very much.

   

  reminds me of how i got the job in the first place. because of the ugly situations at home, well, i needed money. i was searching all these databases online and i saw data entry (nope)... data entry (nope)... data entry (nope)... modelling (uh-uh)... i found myself signing up for cleaning jobs. after i did so i found that i was desperate. it was a simple, honest prayer---

  God, please help me find something meaningful
  and something that can provide relief for the situation.

  i've never been able to do something just for money...

   

  a thought flew across my mind to drop an email to the events&catering company i've in the recent year been really desiring to work at upon graduation. it's one of the most reputable of it's kind here, fast expanding even to the region. one of my several dreams.. because i love decor, i love creating spaces-- whether in word or thing. =] they weren't hiring, but i had nothing to lose to give it a shot. i wasn't really expecting a response... which is why i was so surprised when 2 hours later i received a call from the boss himself telling me to meet him soon as he'd be flying overseas 2 days after. i wouldn't have caught him if i hadn't just right then. it amazed me not only that he employed me, but with the opportunity to choose which parts of the company i'd like to explore as an aspiring employee! on top of that, he was paying me more than i could ask for.

   

  Father has blessed me to be here.
  And now He's opening doors for me to connect with people.
  I must repay the Lord my due...
  as little the space i have in my heart,
  i must be available enough to give at least what's left.

   

  so another simple prayer i pray tonight...
  

  "Lord, thank you for helping me today.
  please help me tomorrow.

  ... I still want to be used tomorrow."

   

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