uhh i kinda miss xanga?

only one person in a thousand knows the trick of really living in the present.

... most of us spend fifty-nine minutes an hour living in the past, with regret for lost joys or shame for things badly done (both utterly useless and weakening) or in a future which we either long for or dread. there is only one minute in which you are alive, this minute, here and now. the only way to live is by accepting each minute as an unrepeatable minute,

which is exactly what it is - a miracle and unrepeatable.

God saw you getting tired and a cure was not to be,
so he put his arms around you & whispered "come home with me"
with tearful eyes he watched you and saw you pass away
although we loved you deeply, we could not make you stay.
your golden heart stopped beating hard-working hands now at rest
-God broke our hearts to prove to us he only takes the best

<|3

rest in peace.
jackie & trish, love&miss you.

the real truth is i probably don't want to be too happy..or content..because then  what?

 i actually like the quest..the search..that's the fun.

the more lost you are,  the more you have to look forward to..

school blows, people are assholes. dave's in 7days, yaaay. university of delaware this weekend -OVERNIGHT .  i had surgery today. it was my first real surgery ever. nattyfam reunion on friday, hopefully.

- so i just really realized how much things have changed this year. like i can walk past people with out saying hi who i used to spend like every weekend with. and not because im a bitch, just because things changed and were not friends. certain people i miss - certain people im still holding on to (even though they dont seem liek they want to be held on to) - and certain people are dicks for not caring enoguh about our friendship to even make a halfassed attempt and trying to be friends. and i know when some of you read this you'll automatically assume that meghan is one of the dicks, but actually its not about her. - so one good thing about this year was i saw who really was my friend, and who really did appreciate me enough to make some sort of attempt at staying friends, and even though this seems stupid -in a way i almost wish i didnt know who they were because then it would be easier at trying to be nice and trying to stay connected to the assholes who didnt/dont care. just kinda in a bummed reminicing mood. whatever i guess things and people are always gonna change.