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Sunday, October 12, 2008

yes... i am a new mother, who is up at 2am in the morning. hubs and bella are sound asleep (for now).

wow, talk about an emotionally draining day. i held it together as long as i could, but after three hours of bella screaming and wailing and carrying her around, trying to coax her into latching on, i folded and told dan just to give her the pumped breastmilk from the bottle. i felt so defeated, and sooooo exhausted, so i slept for a bit...

... when i woke up, both dan and bella were taking a nap, and while i waited for them to wake up, i realized how anxious i felt at the prospect of her waking up hungry and having to relive three more hours of torchure. and that's when the dam broke, and all of the emotions from the past week - all of the tests and the exams and the emotional trauma from the past week - just hit me like a train. post-partum hormones are no joke!

anyways, i'm better. bella's better. we're all better. while they napped, i searched the web for breastfeeding advice and techniques and tricks... and dan and i figured out how to trick her into latching on when she woke up. then, two hours later, we tried a different trick and it worked, too. then, the third feeding she just latched on right away without any maneuvering. i'm soooo hoping she is starting to figure it out and we've turned the corner. i don't know what i'm going to do on monday when dan goes back to work... *sigh*

at least she no longer screams like a banshee when we change her diapers. i think she's starting to get used to it a little. tonight we gave her her first sponge bath... i love her full head of hair! she cried, of course, but not as much as i thought she would. i think she's learning to trust us. i hope.

i know... i know... where are the pictures? soon... soon...

in other news, did any of you catch the video clip of the weatherman proposing to his anchorwoman girlfriend on a live news broadcast? it's so cute!

Saturday, October 11, 2008

well, last night was definitely better than the night before. she didn't wake up every hour - i think she's gotten a little familiar with her surroundings, so i'm sure that was a big part of it.

breastfeeding in the night was a disaster... and i'm so paranoid about my neighbors downstairs, that they'll hear her screaming, so i caved in and just gave her the bottle twice. i did manage to pump a little bit out, so at least i didn't feel like it was too terrible, since she did get a little breast milk. but she definitely hates breastfeeding now that she knows how easy the milk comes out of the bottle...

... so, today is project breastfeeding cold-turkey. it was a battle of a morning, but after 3 hours of persistent trying and a lot of crying, she managed three 15 minute sessions, which is a small victory. our singular goal is to go 24 hours without any bottles. wish me luck! i'm grateful that my mom and dan and i are all in agreement that this is the best - as my mom said, a little crying is good exercise. but i know it's going to be a long day. i realized that today is the first day that we'll be home with NO interruptions, so that will help tremendously.

the good news is, her bilirubin is still high, but stable, so the pediatrician said we won't need to go get that drawn anymore, and she won't even need any UV therapy. yay!! no more needles for bella for a least a few weeks. apparently because she's A+ blood-type, it's easier for her to clear the bilirubin.

i went against the grain and decided to get the ameda breast pump, instead of the more common medela breast pump - because it was cheaper, and because it got really good reviews. i'm so glad i did... the clean-up is sooooooooooooooo fast and easy because you only have to wash the flange and a small white part - it has some sort of patented tubing system that never gets contaminated, so you don't have to wash anything else. last night at 4 in the morning, when the engorgement was so bad i needed to pump, i was thanking God that it was so fast to set up.

and lastly, i'm so glad that i got a sling to carry her around. the past two days have been so nice, wearing her around the house and still having hands free to do stuff. she loves sleeping against my heart.

Friday, October 10, 2008

another eventful day in the life of bella.

we took her to her first pediatrician visit... and it was decided that we will have to go back to the hospital every day until her bilirubin is normal. so, back to the hospital, AGAIN... *sigh* we got stuck in traffic both there and back, and bella had some mini melt-downs and some crazy pooping action - three times in two hours! explosive enough that i could hear them as they were happening. thank goodness the last one happened only a few minutes from home, because i had only brought two diapers with me, thinking we were just going to go to the pediatrician for an hour and come back. wasn't prepared for a four-hour outing.

my milk also decided to come in, but again, thankfully when we were en-route to home. bella had her first taste of breastmilk, and i think it shocked her to sleep. still struggling a bit with the breastfeeding... i'm hoping tonight will go much more smoothly than last night did.

Thursday, October 09, 2008

well, we're finally home. it's been a long four days, and i'm so grateful to be out of the hospital... i felt like they were keeping us hostage.

so, after two chest x-rays, one ultrasound of the brain, one ultrasound of the kidneys, one CT scan of the brain, and three bilirubin tests, they finally released us today at 2pm. hallelujah!!! bella seems to like her new diggs. i know, i know. where are the pictures? very soon, i promise. just need to get settled in and try to wash the hospital feel off of me. i am very glad, though, that lutheran general has free wifi - that was one of the more enjoyable things of the stay.

i can't believe i have a daughter. i can't believe i'm a mother. i can't believe my body is so jello-y and wiggly. okay. off to stare at her for another few hours.

Wednesday, October 08, 2008

wow, talk about a whirl-wind of events. still in the hospital... i've been cleared to be discharged, but bella still has a ways to go. they released her from the NICU, finally, last night - she had a repeat chest X-ray yesterday, and it showed some improvements to her pneumothorax, so that was the biggest hurdle. they did two more ultrasounds today - of her brain and of her kidneys... some minor issues with her kidneys, but eating like a champ.

struggling with the breastfeeding, because she got formula fed for 24 hours in the NICU, so she's not liking having to work for her meals now... so i'm hanging in there but supplementing, too.

finished a two-day course of ampicillin and gentamicin, so if her blood cultures are negative, then they said we can probably go home at dinner tonight. poor girl has gone through so much trauma in the past 48 hours... hope she likes going home!