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Wednesday, October 15, 2008

i didn't cry today.
i am proud of myself :)

Monday, October 13, 2008

i'm a fool.

Friday, October 10, 2008

hi =)
its a long weekend so i'm feeling extra lazy today..i don't have a lot of work to do and just have to study for one test so i feel like i have a little time to procrastinate with. i also have a real sudden urge to go shopping. I REALLY want to go shopping and i really want to cut my hair. ahhhhh! maybe i can go this weekend (hopefully!) i also want to dress up for halloween and should be getting a costume soon or putting one together. maybe i'll update later =)

i feel incompetent.

Thursday, October 09, 2008

its 11:53 pm and i should be studying. but i can't help but be side tracked. at least i read one feeble chapter of my economic textbook. and once again, i feel like a failure. SUCK IT UP CAROL. be a woman. be independent. be strong and bold. stop feeling hopeless cause if there's anything that you can hold onto right now, its hope that maybe things will get better. STOP CRYING ALL THE TIME. no one really cares, and no one really wants to put up with it. and i don't care if you don't know what to do. i don't care if you're lost and i don't care if you feel like crying. BE STRONG. DO WHAT IS EXPECTED OF YOU. do until you can't. do it even if you want to just kill yourself. do it until you die and then i will let you stop. until then, PLEASE SUFFER along with everyone else in this world.
and please don't go to sleep. you have a crap load to do ..just don't forget to breathe and you'll be alright.

Careless, I am reckless
I'm a wrong-way-travelin'-slowly-unraveling shell of a man
Burnt out, I'm so numb now
That the fire's just an ember way down in the corner of my cold, cold heart

Lord, this time I'll make it right, here at the altar I lay my life
Your kingdom come but my will was done, my heart is broken as I...

Cry, like so many times before
But my eyes are dry before I leave the floor, oh Lord
I try but this time, Jesus, how can I be sure I will not lose my follow through
Between the altar and the door

Here at the altar, oh my world so black and white
How could I ever falter
What You've shown me to be right

I'm trying so hard to stop trying so hard
Just let You be who You are
Lord, who You are in me
Jesus, I'm trying so hard to stop trying so hard
Just let You be who You are
Lord, who You are in me
-The Alter and the Door

Wednesday, October 08, 2008

i have 4 awful tests on friday! you must study a lot tomorrow carol! you must you must!
as for right now, i'm a little satisfied because i just cut down a 500 word essay to a 300 word because that's what williams want. 300 words of my story. that's IT! quite saddening..
and my dear mommie is sick right now so i have pizza for dinner. i hope she gets well soon! not because i don't want to eat pizza but just because. so so tired! i think i'm gonna prance around the house now..or i don't know. don't really want to study, but i think i'll study economics today...andddd...i don't know something else thats essay. okay, bye =)
today was senior PJ day.. i brought missy with me to school. look at her now!