The Wonder of it all.....

Isn't it crazy how you can be soooo worried or so passionate about something, and then later look back on it, and it not even mean anything to you anymore?!? Most of the time, it takes awhile....like when you find a letter you wrote to a friend, or an old journal from a year or so ago, and realize that you were freaking out over nothing. Well, this happened recently to me, only i was looking at a post that I had put up only a few days ago....First of all, let me say that the guy was not what I thought he was at all....EVERYONE has flaws, and it didnt take long for them to show....also, i told jeramie...it started as a question, and ended in a blubber of trying to tell him how i feel, without upseting of worrying him at the same time....lol  Sometimes, i think i under-estimate him. He can be jealous sometimes, and so I always assume that if it has to do with another guy liking or noticing me, that he is gonna get upset. But he was understanding...i mean REALLY understanding....What was I soooo afraid of?!? And even if I did actually full out crush on someone else, its about COMMITMENT!!!! That is what it really comes down to...as much as i dont like to think about it, there are going to be girls that Jeramie notices and finds attractive, as well as me with guys, but thats ok....just because we still have eyes and personalities that we click with doesnt mean that we have to do anything or feel guilty. As long as you are honest, open, and commited, then you have nothing to hide.... The things you realize in a marriage....

Quick Question for everyone...please respond...

Ok, I am madly in love with my husband. MADLY! Most of the time, I dont even notice cute guys anymore that I would normally find drop dead gorgeous, but suddenly, I meet this guy, and he is totally cute, and my type to the tee....I want everyone to know that I would never, EVER do anything to mess up what me and Jeramie have, EVER!!! He means the world to me, but I catch myself looking at this guy, laughing harder at his jokes than I should be, and thinking about him...not alot, but more than someone normally thinks about a friend. I am not and would not ever consider doing anything to jepordize (Spl?) what I have with Jeramie, but is this normal?!? How can someone so in love even notice someone else?!? Am I wrong or a bad person for this, or is it ridiculous to think that you can ever be sooo blinded by love to never even notice other people that you would have had a crush on otherwise?!? Up until recently, I believed that....I never thought of what it would be like to be with someone else, never even NOTICED them, and here I am, thinking about this other guy...not actually considering anything with him, but just....thinking about him....I end up getting angry at myself...its sooo frustrating. Jeramie is the most amazing man, and I am lucky to call him my own. What kind of woman has that and is still admiring another?!? Im almost scared to post this, for fear that I am as horrible as I feel, and I am about to expose it to anyone and everyone who feels the urge to come across this site on the internet. I also dont want someone to read this and think less of mine and Jeramies love for one another...We have that sappy, fairy tale out of a book sort of love...yet the kind of love that MAKES IT!!! I believe with all my heart that NOTHING could tear us apart! I mean it; every minute with him, even the seldom arguments, are moments that I wouldnt trade for the world, but I am just going to throw this out there...Someone please give me some answers...

Im still alive....i promise... :)

Ok...so i dont even know who i am actually writing to, but i feel the need to keep a journal...a very inconsistant one, but one nonetheless....  I am horrible at keeping up with things, like being on the computer, and my hand gets tired of writing.....hence the reason that I still have a xanga....

ok...so I am officially married!!! Jeramie Parker and I got married on the 11 of June, 2007.... by the way....we had to wait a week after that for our wedding night due to girle prob's....lol   (not something that I am sure alot of you wanted to know if anyone actually reads this, but its my journal, so BACK OFF!!! lol)  anyway, he was not happy. I told mal first about it when it happened while we were camping out there with her family two days before, then told jeramie in the tent, where he procedded to scream out "NOOOOOOOOOOOO......." at the top of his lungs; the most hilarious thing that I have ever seen..... :) mal thought so too when she heard him.... :) lol   Anyway, we got married, and i would love to give all the details of the wedding, but i am going to leave for work soon, and dont have time to get into everything. I feel so horrible; we realized the other night that we had not even sent thank you cards out to everyone.... right now we are living in Weatherford, Texas, where I am working as a waitress at Pulido's... Jeramie is working in Mineral Wells as a correctional officer at CCA...he just finished 4 weeks of training in the classroom and is now doing OJT (on the job training)......We have a dog named selden that we got from the pound, but never actually had to pay for....lol  more on that to i guess.....  Right now, he is a big baby, but i am hoping that it gets better....lol I still love him though. I dont think Jeramie is quite warming up to him though.....he compares him to Bear alot, (our last dog), and i think it was still more raw for him than he thought when we got Selden... ok...about to go to work....will talk more later! :D

WEDDING ADVISE!!!