May the Lord answer you when you are in distress;
may the name of the God of Jacob protect you

May He send you help from the sancutary
and grant you support from Zion.

May He remember all your sacrifices
and accept your hurnt offerings.

May He give you the desires of your heart
and make all your plans succeed.

We will shout for joy when you are victorious
and will lift up our banners in the name of our God.

May the Lord grant all your requests.

But Jesus often withdrew to lonely places and prayed. -Luke 5:16

that struck a deep chord in me.
i mean, duh, Jesus prayed.
and duh, if son of God, the most perfect human being who ever walked this earth, felt it necessary to talk to God often than we should definitely feel the need.

another key word here is lonely place.

i need my lonely place.
too much family time, too much people time has taken a toll on me.

these are the moments when i remember that i am an introvert.
an extraverted introvert.

i am going to stop rolling over and playing dead.

i'm going to stop letting them walk all over me.

i'm going to conquer my fear, so help me God.

i am ashamed that it took me so long, that it took so far, that it consumed so much of me.
it's so shameful when the truth is finally unveiled and your blindness is finally cured.
it's really and totally embarrassing.

like you've been running around in your undies without your pants
and you've just figured out that you're standing in times square.

but i'm going to conquer that too.
i'm going to get over myself and realize that the world really doesn't care.
that they don't really notice me the way i think they do... i'm really not that big of a deal.

i have to stop being a coward.
in so many ways.

to everyone i've hurt in my blind rage and bitterness, i'm sorry.
would you be understanding when i say i wasn't myself?
that i really was hurting so bad i didn't know what else to do?

...that i'm still sore and hurt and have only begun to realize it?