My apologies up front first of all for not being around the last few days. Further apologies for not checking anyone's site tonight, I'm just gonna be selfish & update due to time constraints. Speaking of update, Jason tried to update this weekend. He spent 2 hours trying to update the look of the site. He's still not happy with it. Did he actually type out a blog? Not even close. "Well pumpkins, I guess it comes down to that age old question. Style, verses substanence?"
I'm not one to compare my life to others, usually. At least, not at this point in my life because I know how much better off I am than a lot of guys my age, i.e. the ones stuck in a factory job with a wife and 3 or 4 rugrats runnin' around. But when I was younger, I was not happy with my life at all. I guess most everyone has a period in their life for however long where they wish they could be anyone on the planet...except for who they are now. It is the very rare person indeed who doesn't have a hard time with self-acceptance. You grow up though & times change and you (eventually) stop comparing yourself to others. But recently, someone has dropped back in my life and I can't help but feel a few of the old jealousies & envies comin' on that were there two years ago. My friend Jamie is your classic spontaneous narcissitic stylish funny young gay guy who ALWAYS is the center of attention. The kind of person that people naturally love 'cause he's so funny and cute and stylish and attractive and someone that you can't help but love on first meeting. I used to envy him so much 'cause he could get a different date every night of the week (he's in a solid relationship of 2 years now, he tells me) and could have made any one of them a "real" relationship but just wanted to have fun. Me, on the other hand, at that time could not get a date if my life depended on it and was just "dying" to have a "real" relationship. All this reinforced the mentality that I'd never have a boyfriend in my life and that I'd always be alone. As we all know, the story didn't turn out that way (thank you God!) but when you're in the middle of something like that, you never believe anything will change or get better. Even though I've come through all that, there's a lingering part of me that wants to be that extremely popular guy...the one that everything just seems to fall in place for. I still yearn for his kind of life, even though I am happy with what I am now. I think the best way that describes what I've been feeling can be seen with The Great Gonzo...this is just after he's found out the object of his affection (the incomparable Madaline Khan!) does not feel the same thing he does...and haven't we all been through that as well?
