Monday, May 05, 2008
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You're Beautiful
What would life have been life if I were beautiful?
I've sort of gotten over the "I'm not beautiful at all" stage. Sort of. Does any woman ever grow out of that, no matter how beautiful they are? I don't think so. But, I've come to be at peace with myself, and to be able to look in the mirror and surprise myself by thinking that I looked beautiful. It's a work in progress to be sure.
But some facts can not be disputed. I am not "mainstream" beautiful. No one is going to take my pictures as a top model, I'm not going to smile on the cover of magazines. Men are not going to lust after me, or keep watching me as I walk up the street. Frat boys won't nudge each other and exclaim "Man, she's hot!" and older men won't want to leave their wives for a piece of my action.
Nevertheless, it's what I've always wanted. And I admit it to myself. I want men to drool over me. I want women to wish they were me. Sometimes, I feel like I'm wasting my youth- overweight and home bound.
But that's not me.
And that's when I realize, how different life would be if I were beautiful.
I would've been part of the wolves. The people who put me down, who laughed at me and called me names. I might have made someone else feel the way I felt. And all that time, I would be so insecure about who I was, and what I wanted, that I wouldn't have been happy.
There would be no Ian. In fact, it's likely there would be a succession of boyfriends. Jerks, who only wanted me for my looks. If I happened to find a nice guy, it's likely I would be too shallow to appreciate him.
I may or may not be going to college. I'd party, drinking and maybe even doing drugs. Just floating along. No goal. No future.
Am I saying all beautiful girls are this way? Of course not! But me... there's a good chance. Because I cared too much what other people thought. And only through not having very many people care about me did I learn to stand on my own. And to be able to truly love others.
So I suppose in the end, I'm glad God decided I should be the way I am. Because in the end, I'm happy with me. I'm blessed with Ian, my very dearest friend and love. And though things haven't been perfect, my life is partly the way it is because of how I look.
I will be beautiful in my way.
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Comments (6)
This is a great perspective. I'm dedicating "beautiful" by sarah brightman to you for this. its on my playlist, if you want to check it out.
I know how you feel. I've felt the same way so many times. I felt ugly growing up. I still don't like my body much because it's overweight, but I don't mind my face. I found a friend in makeup which enhanced my look. I shouldn't depend on makeup to feel beautiful, but it can't hurt if it makes me feel better or more confident.
I was never the desire of many men either, and that's a great thing because it meant I was kept from unnecessary temptation. I think I'll have beautiful kids and I just hope that they don't get tempted to be with so many men or women cos of good looks.
You'll grow into your looks.
You are beautiful, with a little grooming, the right clothes you would attract a lot of attention.
Do you know beauty is very cultural? Overseas (Africa) a lot of men found me attractive, whereas in Australia I don't get second looks. You see white skin is very attractive there. Plus I was a lot smaller there too!
-Heidi
You are definitely beautiful, in many ways (including your looks!). It's great to read posts like this instead of, "I'm so ugly/fat today" or "Gosh, I'm just so hot, none of the guys at the mall could walk straight." I love that you can look at yourself so honestly and be happy with what you see. :)
I agree - it probably would be better if a woman's definitation of herself wasn't wrapped so much up in the role of "mother", but then again - I wouldn't have my life any other way, as my son is the BEST thing that ever happened to me. It changed my whole life, the direction of it and the meaning of it. I wouldn't trade that for anything.
Thanks for stopping by!!
As women, I think we're just so picky. And I don't think it's safe to assume no man with drool after you. I think I'm comfortable with myself. I make myself out to be the best that I can be for myself. Not everyone is going to fall head over heals for me-- but someone will. I think we're all made for someone
That's why we all look so different. There is no one type of person that happens to be the best of the bunch.
My boyfriend is funny. He always tells me how beautiful he thinks I am. I think I'm normal. Sometimes guys will stalk me and act obnoxious-- but other times they ignore me. As long as I feel good-- I'm usually okay. I think its funny though... I think women are harder on other women than guys are. My boyfriend always laughs at reactions I get from different types of women. He says they're more pleasant from people like me-- my size.. my color.. my hair texture, etc. -- and less friendly from women unlike me.. I told him that's why I refuse to wear my glasses. I'd rather be oblivious.
I'm beginning to get the impression you are most definitely beautiful... peace