Friday, April 25, 2008

• The transplant list

  Now, I'm sure you are all wanting me to keep you abreast (teehee) of the most critical and cutting edge medical facts in the world.  Let's get some background medical knowledge... that's what you are are here for, and I aim to please.  **Editors note:  Let me just start by saying that this is NOT fake.  This is true science at work here.  I am NOT making this crap up.  Links have been added at the end for the doubters... ok, read on
  
  Perhaps you, like many 87-year old grammas, have become concerned with the rise in the rates of C. difficile in the community.  As you know, C. difficile causes a very bad form of colitis creating a horrifically foul and frequent diarrhea that can actually be life threatening.  It has been around for quite some time, but recently, it has become more virulent and more difficult to treat.  The normal medication regiment of Flagyl or oral Vancomycin remains effective in most of the cases, however, some people have resistant strains of the bacteria and can have very prolonged cases which may even last months.
  
  Just a reminder, poop is funny.
  
  This bacteria usually forms secondary to loss of the normal gut bacteria.  Thus, when you take some antibiotics for some other reason, you can actually kill off the GOOD bacterial that normally lives in your intestines.  This bacterial usually recovers from this and grows back on its own accord without any difficulty.  However, sometimes, after all the good bacteria gets killed off, bad bacteria (the C difficile) grow in large numbers in the good bacterias place.  This causes the horrific, catastrophic diarrhea.
  
  So what can we, and by we, I mean you do?  Well.  You could try the antibiotics (Flagyl/Vanco) to treat this, or you could be more cutting edge.  You could be on the front of medical science.  You could be the one right at the thin white line of the future, living the dream of having the best and most advanced medical care that human science has come to know.  You could get your gastrointestinal floura completely replaced with the latest technique which is...  a poo transplant.
  
  Go read those last three words again, I'm not sure if you read them correctly.
  
  That's right.  We are now adding poop to the list of vital commodities that people need transplants.  But how, you ask, could you get the poo in the right place?  Well... we all know where poo starts off don't we?  It starts with food.  So... it's actually pretty simple.  Eat someone else's poop.
  
  What?! 
  
  Yes.  People are doing this.  It has been successfuly numerous times with a 95% success rate.  Let me break the procedure down for you.  I added pictures since some people only come for the pictures.
  
  1.  Get poo.  Usually a family member will donate.  I know my brothers would both be happy to donate poop for me to eat.   I suppose we could create the brown cross as well if needed.
  
  2.  NG tube.  You put a tube through the nose that goes into the stomach.  I suppose this step could be bypassed if you really just wanted to be a man and drink it straight.
  
  
  3.  Mix poo.  Put in blender with some water.
  
  
  4.  Insert poo.  2 tablespoons down NG tube into stomach. 
  
  Congratulations, you just ate someone's poop. 
  
  I'm not sure if I could really volunteer for this procedure, regardless of how life-saving it is.  Though, I think it would be kind of fun to go drinking afterwards with my brothers and then belch in their faces and look for the response.  The whole "your breath smells like shit" would really be quite truthful.
  
  There, now you guys are all cutting edge.  Glad I could help.
  
  Don't believe me?  Check the links:
  Poo 1    Poo 2    Poo 3  or just go HERE to see auto inoculation (gross)
  
  
     

  • 5:15 PM
  • 18 eprops
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