So I just reread some journal entries from the beginning of the year, and wow. You know that feeling, when you stumble across an old picture of yourself? An old, unflattering picture? Like the time you were laughing so hard that Cheerios came out of your nose? Yeah, that's kind of how I feel. The last entry was dated 2/21/08, which, I admit, wasn't that long ago (< 3 mos, even!). But when you're surrounded by snowstorms and ice in the armpit of Indiana, things are naturally going to seem a lot bleaker and more depressing. Not that things are all peaches and lollipops now, but at least I'm not whining about cubicle life (having my own office helps immensely, haha) or writing poems about the color black anymore.
I've been home for the past week, which has been great. Sleeping in, hanging out, staying up. The beach. The bonfires. Coming home with sand in your hair and ashes on your clothes. The smell of bug spray. Running The Loop and going through every sprinkler on the way back. And I have such a fabulous group of friends here.
Not to say that I haven’t had my silver linings in Indiana (and I'm not just talking about the Splash House water park). I’ve learned:
1) that I need to be needed; that’s
probably the number one thing. It's pretty simple: I want to be so good at my future job,
that people to depend on me because I have
something to offer that no one else can.
2) I thrive on competitive stimulation/creative challenge. I have to be
intentional about writing right now, which has never been so hard. Feedback/affirmation is part of what
drives a writer to create. But this year, my
only source of validation has come from publication. And it's so hard
to get published and so easy to get
discouraged, especially b/c...
3) I'm not a very patient person. I'm the happiest when I have a lot of distractions and don't have time to think about time...
4) I'm an extroverted introvert: not especially outgoing, but I become the extrovert if I'm surrounded by introverts.
5) I love Nine West shoes. I added these to my collection this weekend:
6) I don't read for the sake of reading. I read for the sake of writing.
Meanwhile I made a paper chain to countdown until my last day of work. “Meanwhile” is a key word; a transition word. There are too
many meanwhiles going on right now. Maybe that's my problem.
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