| Ryōko: こんにちは。
Tim: こんにちは。
Ryōko: スカパラ好きなんだ？
Tim: はい、好きですよ。
Ryōko: あぁ、そうですか。(pause) 日本に住んでいますか？
Tim: うん、北九州に住んでいる。
Ryōko: あぁ、すごい。どのぐらいですか？
Tim: ええと・・・ 八ヶ月ぐらいです。
Ryōko: わ、日本語上手ですね！
Tim: あ、ありがとうございあます。
Ryōko: あの、友達になってくれませんか？
Tim: (pause) 今？
Ryōko: (pause) じゃあ・・・
Tim: はいはい！友達になりますよ。
Ryōko: ありがとうございます！
Tim: いいえ。
Ryōko: 福岡によく来るの？
Tim: ん〜、あまり。
Ryōko: あぁ、あまりね。(pause) じゃ、失礼しますね！メールして下さい！
Tim: は〜い！
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| (Awesomeness Edition)I'll always be happy!
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| Quiz
1. What is the most important thing in life?
A. oral hygiene
B. fair skin
C. love
D. multiple-choice quizzes
E. tedious formalities
2. If you are standing in a cubic stadium with a width of 0.00012 parsecs, what is the probability that you will be stung if the stadium was to be suddenly filled with bees to a density of 120 bees per cubic foot?
A. 1/120
B. 120/120
C. depends on the species of bee
D. depends on who's asking
E. depends on whether or not you are a flower
3. John Updike enters a bee-filled cubic stadium hoping to shake someone's hand. How many novels have been written ever?
A. I don't know
B. thousands, but only 10 have been published
C. すみません、英語が読めない
D. exactly 10,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000
E. crack addiction
4. Fill in the blank: "Welcome to the __________."
A. house of fun
B. party, pal
C. church of slack
D. glam band, here's your wig
E. jail
5. Which is colder, Wisconsin or Kyushu?
A. Wisconsin
B. Kyushu
C. the cultures of Wisconsin and Kyushu are too different to make any meaningful comparisons
D. both are equally depressing
E. Kyushu has hot springs
6t. What is the most challenging thing about writing about food?
A. not eating your words
B. cleaning your keyboard afrer clogging it with pizza sauce
C. realizing that you won't be getting paid for it
D. avoiding bad puns
E. finding new synonyms for "mouthfeel"
7. You board the Yamanote Line at Meguro Station at 5:25 PM on a Wednesday and are travelling at an average velocity of 55 kilometers per hour. At what time will youwant to drink chu-hi?
A. 5:26 PM
B. 7:00 PM
C. 5:25 is palindromic, therefore the question is meaningless
D. I take the Mita Line home frome Meguro, not the Yamanote
E. will this be on the test?
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| My Mouth Is On FireI just sampled what was by far the hottest hot sauce I have ever sampled, made from habanero peppers, habanero pepper extract, and various fillers such as tomato paste and pineapple purée. My entire mouth is quivering. My eyes are watering. My visual acuity is blunted, my depth perception and sense of balance skewed. My salivary and sebaceous glands are sobbing and my tract is furious. I feel emasculated, defeated, humiliated, intoxicated, and exhausted.
Why, it's almost like being in love...
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