Change is in the air. I'm about to go off to college and start a new time in my life. I'm so friggin excited!!!!!!! I get to live on my own, buy my own groceries, have no curfew... I can't wait! I know that with freedom comes responsibility and that soon I'll probably take back these words, but for now I'm having fun looking forward to the soon to come future.

I just got back from Texas and the beach. The beach was really nice! It was so relaxing and it gave me time to just think. A lot of times I get so caught up in whatever I'm doing, that I don't even have time to think. ya know? Well it was nice to think and sort things out. God is really doing something right now. He's revieling little pieces of His character to me and it's so exciting, but so scary! There are so many different sides to God. He's a scary fellow! I mean, look at the old testiment. That's the same God that sent his son to die for his wretched children that he loves. I dunno. It's crazy. Right when you think you have things figured out, He'll totally take you by surprise. Isn't is exciting! Life would be so dull without God... well I guess there would be no life without God... well.... oh you know what I mean!

Texas was fun! I got to hang out with a bunch of people that I really missed. I took a trip to Austin with Tara when I was there and it was... well, tara always makes things interesting. I got to see a lot of family and it was really great to see all of them! I miss them so much!

All in all life has been good lately. Peace 

Do ya ever feel just down right frustrated? I mean in everything. In yourself, church, work, friends, family, religion.... I just feel frustrated right now. I'm ready for change, not just in location or situation, but spiritually too. I feel like I've been in the same place for a long time now, and I feel stuck. I know I probably shouldn't be pouring my heart out on the internet, but I'm tired of holding it in. I'm tired of feeling like I have to pretend. Why do I feel condemned when I say I'm frustrated spiritually? I'm not frustrated with God. That's not it at all! God is the only new and constant thing in my life. I'm frusturated with the church and with religion in general. What are we doing? What are we accomplishing? and if we are doing stuff, why don't I know about it? I don't think the answer is a revival. We keep getting and getting as it is. I think the answer is in giving. So why don't we? Why don't I? I'm so selfish... the church is so selfish. We look to our needs and the needs of "our people" and not to the people who really do need. I mean, how many church lunches and "fellowship groups" do we have in a month? Why aren't we giving more? Why isn't anyone doing anything about it? Why am I not doing anything about it? I'm so self-consumed! I really am! How do I get out of this mind set? Do I sell all I have and give the money to the poor? What's the answer? I'm being serious. I really want to change and want to find some answers here, but I feel so lost. I don't know where to go for guidance. Do I go back to the church? I feel so unfulfilled there. I want to do something dramatic... but see, here I go on me again. It's all about me. It's not about, what I can do for Him, but all about how I can fulfill my wants or desires. Maybe I shouldn't even say what I can do, maybe it's a matter of how I can stop saying I and me! Man, how did I get like this? "Why do I do the very thing that I don't want to do?" I want to change... but how? Where do I start?  

Uganda

I got back this morning from the Global Night Commute in Atlanta. It was awesome! I'm really glad we went! I really wish Stephen could've gone. I feel really bad about that still... Sorry man!

So now I'm ready to go save the world!

I'm feeling a lot of different emotions right now... it's pretty crazy.

Someone wrote me today out of the blue. It's someone from a long time ago. (at least it seems like it) I'm so glad she did! God's awesome!

Tut tut, it looks like rain... I'm gonna go play!

Do you ever want to be a part of something worth while? I get so bogged down in little insignificant things that I don't even think about the things that actually matter. When you look at such horrendous things that are happening around the world, then little things that seemed huge start to dwindle. For example, look at all the crap happening in Uganda. I want to go now and help! I want to just leave all the unimportant things behind and just go! Things like graduation and prom look like nothing compared to this. I want to help people. I want to help people who are desprately searching and needing help. I'm tired of always thinking of the future and what I'll do someday. I want to do it now! When will I finally be able to live my dreams? Do I have to keep waiting? Will I wait forever? Will you wait forever to live the life you know you're suppose to. To stop playing these childish games and get down to the important things in life.

The reality of life isn't prom or parties, it's a child who is starving and being tortured. A child who lives on the street because he's too scared to sleep at home. A child who has seen such unspeakable horrors that he's lost the ability to cry or feel sorrow. A child who has become a moster because of the monstosity he has known.

I am so spoiled! I am so selfish! And I know I'm the worst of the worst when it comes to this. I turn a blind eye to the tragedies going on in the world so that I can be comfortable. I might watch a documentary every once in a while or the news so that I can feel like I've accomplished something, but what am I really doing? I'm waisting breath. I'm waisting my life on things that won't last any longer than a blink of an eye. MY LIFE IS BEING WAISTED and I'm content in my little bubble, just watching time fly by. I am so selfish. America is so selfish.

I want to change this. For real! I don't want to say I'll change to make my conscience a little lighter for a while. I WANT TO CHANGE! I want to give! I want to love! I want to help!

The tragedy that is going on in Uganda is unbelievable and I want to help. There are children who sleep on the streets to try to avoid being kiddnapped from their homes to be forced into a rebel army. There is a movement for government awareness next Saturday. There are over 30,000 people signed up around the world who will do this and about 500 are gathering in Atlanta so far. People will be coming together for the night on the streets of a major city near them and stay the night there. It is called The Global Night Commute. It will involve a march of thousands of people into the city in mass from one point to another and then finding a spot to sleep and staying the night there. The goal of this movement is to raise awareness and ulimately end this conflict by helping change the policies of the U.S. governement in regard to this situation.

"Americans are closing thier eyes to open the world's to an unseen war. By lying down we are joining the invisible children in Northern Uganda, and demanding that our government put an end to the longest running war in Africa, and one of the wost crisis in the world today."

I want to start now! I want to be there and help in anyway I can, even if it's just a night in the city. At least I'm doing something. I will change, and I'm going to start now! I'm tired of waiting. I'll do whatever I can here until I'm able to do more there. If you are interested in getting involved, go to www.invisiblechildren.com or just ask me about it.

I want to stop waisting my life and use it as much as I can while I have it. Life is too short to not live to your full potential. I'm tired of being complacent! I want to live for a purpose.

(Thanks Kendall!)