I am realizing more and more how any evil that is of human capability is not foreign to me. If someone is capable of murdering, than I myself am capable of the exact same thing. If someone is capable of stealing than I myself am capable of that very same crime. As humans we all come from the same place. We all have the same capabilities, whether for good or evil. The difference between a murderer and myself is the environment I was raised in and the saving grace of Christ my Lord. People are a product of their environment. I can probably safely assume a murderer or a thief never intends their life to go in such a way, but because of their enivronment  growing up  they weren't given much of an opportunity for any thing else. If I was raised in a different home, I would be a different person doing different things.  Even though the environment you grow up in is a big deciding factor on the outcome of  your life, the biggest difference is the grace of God being active in my life. I understand now how in judging that person  I am also judging myself. Because I am human, and I am capable of the very act committed by someone else. I have a deeper compassion for people now than I did before.  It has been such a major realization for me as I have meditaed these last few weeks on the cross and what that really means for me. Without the salvation of Christ I am in the same boat as the murderer, the abuser, the thief, whether I ever committ those acts or not. Because we are the same. Without the purify blood of Christ we are not different. Easter is tomorrow and I am rejoicing in the fact that Christ is alive!!! I am rejoicing in the fact that 5 and half years ago Christ brought life to me. I am so thankful, really I am. 

Anyways this is just some rambling thoughts I have had for the last couple of weeks. They may not be in any order or make much sense, but that is okay. HAPPY EASTER!!!

Are you old or experienced?

Where have all of the thoughts gone?

I want to write so badly, but my thoughts right now are not thoughts; they are feelings. You can not put your feelings into words. You have to turn your feelings to thoughts, and your thoughts to words. It is frustrating because I have no thoughts right now, only feelings, therefore no words.  Hhhmmm better luck next time I guess. I leave you with this, a friend of mine and I, sprayed another girl with a fire extinguisher while she was in the shower, that was pretty funny.

                                                  THE END

That day Lillian became the teacher

. I once worked as a teacher in a daycare. There is one little girl that I will never be able to forget, her name is Lillian. Lillian was abused from the time that she was 6 months old until the age of about 3 by her mother. She was malnourished, neglected and would often times have black eyes due to her abusive mother. So by the time that Lillian arrived in my classroom she had been the receipent of things that no child of that ,or any age should have to endure. Therefore there would be times when Lillian would act out in rebellion and spit on me when I would discipline her. There would be times when Lillian would beat her head against the wall because the pain she felt inside was too much, so the only way she knew how to deal with it was through self-harm. There would be times when I would have to set her on my lap and hold her down with all the strength in my arms and legs, to keep her from hurting herself and others. To say the least Lillian was a handful. However even though we would go through these times of  my discipline vs. her rebellion, Lillian was my favorite child and I was her favorite teacher. She would get horribly jealous if any other children would require my attention. At the end of the day when it was time for me to leave she would hold on to the tail of my shirt and scream, "take me with you, please please please" She would invite me to come and spend the night at her house. I looked forward to seeing her everyday and missed her when she was gone.

 I give you all of this history to tell you of this one incidence. One day Lillian was sitting on my lap and we were laughing and playing and having fun. Out of no where she takes my hand and starts to dig her finger nail into the bed of my nail and looks to see what I am going to do about it. I asked her, "Lillian, why would you do that to me?" She looked at me with broken eyes and spoke in a quiet voice, " I want you to hurt just like me." At that moment my heart shattered into a million pieces for this girl. I will never forget the overwhelming feeling I had. That feeling was, if I could take every wound and hurt and pain that this 3 year old girl has ever experienced and put it on myself, I would, without any hesitation or second thought. I wished in that moment that I was the one who had been abused, rejeceted and abondoned. I was just so overwhelmed with pain for Lillian that God had to break into my thoughts and say, Jenifer that is exactly what I did for you, for her, and for everyone who chooses to accept it. That day Lillian became the teacher and I was the student. I learned from her that day how to understand what Christ did for me in a deeper measure.  I was speechless because the depth of sorrow and compassion I had for Lilllian does not even compare to the compassion the Lord has for us. I experienced the love of God that day and have since carried it with me, no longer was it something I believe in, it became something I live in.

I have no real purpose in sharing this other than I have been thinking about it a lot lately and the compassion that Christ has for us. I really mean it when I say that I am in love with, so please don't think that I am using trite or familiar words, I really do. Without Jesus my life would  be a mess.

I HAVE BEEN TAGGED

I have been tagged by the queenofchocolate. I now have to give 6 weird facts about myself...well lets see

1. sometimes I eat refried bean sandwhiches

2. I make faces at myself in the reflection of the toilet paper dispensers in public restrooms.

3. I rub my feet together to put myself to sleep

4. I was almost put in the gifted class in elementary school, I got an award for my acedemics from Pres. Clinton, and I  read every single book my second grade teacher had, there really were no more books for me to read until the third grade. (Bet you didn't know I was so 'mart did ya? p.s. I was and am horrible at math!!)

5. When I was 3 my dream was to be a taxi driver so that I could wear leather and smoke cigars

6. I recently had a 45 min. conversation with a lady that I thought was someone else (yes it was in person and it was extremely funny when in the middle of the conversation I had a magnificent revelation from on high that she was not who I thought she was!)

So know I must tag six others

I tag: Stetson Nold

 Libby Jordan

Nathan French

Larry Key

Philip Zahnd

Pradeepan Jeevamahahhaha