Again in UWA library... Day 3...

Aargghhh my brain can't function... it's saturday afternoon and right after lunch.

To answer your questions... no I am not applying for another job in another company. I am just applying for a "promotion". Same job.. same company... higher level... higher salary... higher responsibilities.

Why has it taken me so many days to complete and why it brought so much pains... Coz it's a government job! Basically it's hard to get a permanent job in the government... but once u get it... u can slack for the rest of your life. The job application pack requires u to write an assignment like application addressing the following:

1. Demonstrate experience in contract development and/or contract management or relevamt project management experience;
2. Good written communication skills, with the ability to prepare procurement and technical documents;
3. Good interpersonal skills and negotiation skills, with the ability to consult effectively at senior levels in the private and public sector;
4. Demonstrated research, analytical and problem solving skills;
5. Knowledge of government procurement policies and issues; and
6. Possession of relevant tertiary qualifications

Yes it is very specific and technical to procurement skills... almost impossible to answer without any procurement experience.

 Why can't deloitte get back to me sooner and relieve me of these painssss ....

Currently in the UWA Library typing my job application. Naughty me took a day off just to apply for a job! Haha...

Anywayz, it has been two years since I have been back to uni during class hours hence have not seen the uni filled with students in a long time. Gosh the memories that kept flooding back... how we used to just stand around outside the social science lecture theatre after class, where we always sit and hang out... oh the good old times!Haha.. but i have to say... students nowadays seem to dress alot better! I remember during my days (geez... ald putting age into perspective), it was mostly a top of some kind with jeans. Now the girls are all primmed up in dresses, short skirts with tights and very fancy tops. I'm beginning to feel abit like ... u know when u look back in the old school year books in the 80s and u think the people in it dress weird !!! Haha...

And somehow, there never feel like there's a need to blog when u r working coz life is so mundane. But if u notice, i've been blogging more these days coz... i feel like a student again! With assignments due soon and procrastination is at its peak!!

Hmmm... I have been highly unmotivated at work recently. Two months ago, I was totally confident in applying for higher level positions and will bite on any opportunity which comes! Two months into my new rotation, i feel rather incompetent. I can still do any tasks given to me well.. but perhaps I havent been given much responsibilities much to my disappointment. Maybe coz the project I am in is moving very very slowly and there's only so much we can do. And at this lowest point....an opportunity has come up for me to apply for a promotion (yes in government, we need to apply for every promotion) but i have lost confidence for it.

The application closes on Monday, I'm still waiting for an interview opportunity with another bigger company but I am going away on my holidays for 3 weeks. All these anticipation that i will have to go through even though I'm on holidays. Sigh sigh sigh.... all year for it to happen.... why does it all need to happen at the same time!!  Can't i go away for a holiday in peace ?? Obviously not...

But today has been a rather good day despite my low moods. My ex-manager from my last rotation sent me an email to support me to apply for the higher level and agreed to be my referee and even offered to go through my application with me! That's good news one...

Second one...I was called a "legend" in front of over 30 people by a director... being witnessed by many other directors and senior levels. Somehow to get his approval meant alot to me. But it came as a total surprise... we were instructed to complete some tasks individually and in groups and the weird me does weird things sometimes. He spotted my approach and squealed in delight...

Director: OMG... why did you to do that??
Me: (Terrified)... I don't know... I just read the instructions and ....
Director: That is excellent... I've done this with over hundreds of people and you are the only one who got it right!
Me: Wow... ok...

And when we were wrapping up, he announced to everyone what a legend i was and i had natural leadership skills? Haha... how weird huh. But when i saw the model answer... i finally understood why he said that. I guess it was just luck... that i managed to score so highly. Although till now, i don't understand, why didn't anyone else think about it? I thought it was just very basic. Oh gee... maybe i do have some hidden talents! Hahahha... still unbelievable!

There r many things in life that we do not have control of. We can't control what other people feel and many times, the expression u give to others "I understand how you feel..." is an overstatement. We wont know the intensity of the feelings the person is going through. What hurts u a little may hurt another alot.

As for me, I dislike hurting another and making another person feel sad. I try to be balanced... and minimize the intensity of sad feelings for another... but yet sometimes it gives the opposite effect. No, you don't understand how I feel. I feel like i'm made in hell for causing such misery to another. I know it's unavoidable because there's only one of me and I can't please everyone.

I apologize for the trail of broken heart i left behind, for the many frustrations...

Due to my weakness, this trail is the worst torture and torment to me.

I am sorry. I know you hurt, but i feel the pain too... although a totally different kind of pain.

Please forgive me.

Yey!! Three quarters of the year is gone!! I am absolutely thrilled. Just a month away to my holiday, less than 5 months left in my grad year and the times that follow after that seems to be full of exciting challenges (in a good way). I am getting almost too impatient for time to pass !!

And guess what ? Another day another dollar !  

Life is almost unbearable when you have nothing to look forward to, when you have no goals and no dreams.There must be a drive... a motivation for us to wake up every morning. Be it a career, a house, or a holiday. We need to know what we want.... and i constantly ask myself... What will i be doing 2 yrs from now... 5 yrs from now? I want to look back without regrets....