Monday, July 14, 2008

• Frizti and Boogie: To All the Girls We've Loved Before

  Anyone who knows Jim and Sandi Faulk know that they are..."dog people", since we'd been married six months, there has ALWAYS been at least one dog (and usually more) as part of the household. We've loved german shepherds, cocker-poos, bassett hounds, labrador retrievers, most recently miniature dachshunds, always girls, and some of their litters of furbabies: Pepper, Misty, Clementine, Lila, Rosie, Mona Gay, Fritzi, Matilda, Heidi, Sadie Belle, and Brigitte (aka Boogie). There have also been, for the last couple of years, the most amazing little longdog "boarders": Wes and Jennifer's Buttercup and Bonnie Blue, who'll be heading north to Oklahoma before too much longer. We have loved them all, and been insulted and hurt when you've not loved them as well. Nearly all of you have loved our girls just as much, each of you having a favorite. Some of you have loved, or are still loving, some of our "grandpuppies", Lila Mae and Mona Gay's labradors, Heidi and Matilda and Sadie's tiny dachsies. Fritzi always stubbornly refused efforts to be bred - Jim said she'd signed her "True Love Waits" card.

  Fritzi was our first dachshund, a little red and sable girl, whose papers show her as being owned by Wes, and came to live with us when Wes was just 13 years old - and she was just 7 or so weeks old, just teensie. She has been a part of our family for over fourteen years - dachshunds are supposed to live 10 to 12 years. You know where I'm headed with this - we knew this weekend was coming. Fritzi had gotten so tiny and thin, she only weighed about 6 pounds - about half of what she used to weigh, she was getting pretty deaf, and increasingly blind. But she stayed so sweet, even though she slept about 23 hours a day, so...you know, no cause to take any action. Then, in the last week or so, a huge tumor appeared on the top of her snout, up next to her eye. We hoped that it was an insect bite, it would disappear. It didn't, Jim and I didn't discuss it, but Jim lovingly determined that if the tumor wasn't any better by Saturday, it would be best for her to have her put down (I can still barely stand to even type the words). It didn't get any better.

  Jim woke up with the girls at 6am on Saturday morning, as per usual, to let them outside for the morning, and realized that one of them didn't go out, took inventory and saw that Boogie didn't come outside - she's usually first out the door. Jim went back into our bedroom to find Boog, and she was...dragging herself outside (all this time I was sound asleep - he'd let me sleep in). Her backside wasn't "working" at all. Jim picked her up, carried her outside, gently put her in the grass, and started to cry. He knew what had happened, and he knew it was bad. He spent the next two hours watching over her, hoping and trying to will her to stand up, just move her back legs. I woke up at 8am, he came in and said, "We need to talk". He explained what had happened, I screamed that "NO, NO, NO!!" that comes out of me when the world seems to just flash white, and RAN in my nightgown straight out to her, lifted her up and started kissing her. I knew what was happening inside - it was late enough for the vet's office to be open, Jim was taking care of the details. I begged him to let me go along, so he wouldn't have to do this himself, my 35-year hero told me that he would do this by himself. He needed to. He let me spend all the time I needed to with Boogie, this was completely out of the blue, and I needed to tell her goodbye. I told her how much I loved her, what a good girl she'd been to me, how much I loved her, how sorry I was, how much I loved her.  Then, Jim took her with Fritzi, and climbed into our Jeep. I called my sister, crying too hard to be understood, she dropped everything and flew over to be with me. Maybe it wasn't as bad as we thought - Jim was taking a long time, maybe that's good news.

  Jim came home. Alone. Boogie (SandiK's Brigitte CMon Let's Boogie) had injured her spine - we knew that this could be common in dachshunds, so you can never let them get heavy. Boogie barely cast a shadow, still looked like a puppy, just ran all the time, spent Jim's quiet time in the backyard retrieving the rock of her choice. The only one of our dogs who enjoyed the pool, she was known to take a dip at her whim, multiple times a day. She'd dip under the water to retrieve her rock off the top step, it was always just hilarious. And cute. The vet explained that this wasn't uncommon in very active dachshunds as well; he could treat with IVs and home medications. Jim was going to do that, but, before he did, he asked the doctor to shoot straight with him. What would her quality of life be? Vet explained that after the treatment, there'd be a 25% chance that she'd LOOK the same, and be able to walk, but never be able to run or play. Never. And the 75%? That she'd have a degree of paralysis, and probably not recover the use of her back legs. Those of you who know Boogie KNOW that she could not have lived that way. She ran until she stopped. To sleep. His decision for ending her suffering was made.

  And so she did - run until she stopped to sleep. Honoring my request and loving those girls as much as I do, Jim stayed with them until the end, never left them. Not easy for anyone, but really not easy for a "guy". We'd read stories about situations where dogs had been brought in like this to other vet offices, the doctors say they're going to do what you ask, then call rescue organizations to come and get them. This...would have been impossibly hard, unthinkable, for my girls. So he stayed. And Fritzi and Boogie are gone. And I can't quit crying. I know, they're "just dogs", but they brought us so much fun and work and happiness and comfort. And Boogie was just a baby. And she was just attuned to my emotions - in the night, when I would weep about my daddy's cancer, she would come in, lick the tears off of my cheeks, and just whine. Then she'd lay with me, giving me kisses, until I fell asleep.And whether or not they're just dogs, we loved them. I closed this blog twice, thinking I shouldn't write it. Then I just had to. This is my diary, out there for all of you, and a lot of you know these two sweeties.

  So, there it is. To all the girls we've loved before, now sweet old stinky Fritzi and crazy high-maintenance Boogie added to your list - thank you for the company you provided, and the love we shared. Jim and I love you.

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